Matters of the Heart
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: After Monica works on a case in Mexico without John he realises how he feels about her. But then something happens to her and John must put his feelings aside to help her.
1. Matters of the Heart Part 1

MATTERS OF THE HEART  
  
By: Cindy  
  
Email: sg1phileshipper@skynet.be; monica.doggett@skynet.be  
  
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. They are property of CC, 1013 and FOX. No copyright fringe is intended. I promise to return them as soon as I'm finished. I wouldn't mind keeping Doggett though. ;-)  
  
Rating: R (attempted rape/bad language/violence)  
  
Classification: Angst/friendship/UST  
  
Keywords: DRR, hurt/comfort. Some MSR  
  
Summary: After Monica works on a case in Mexico without John he realises how he feels about her. But then something happens to her and John must put his feelings aside to help her.  
  
Spoilers: All the way up to season nine to be on the safe side.   
  
Archive: XFMU, fanfiction.net. Anywhere friendly is just fine, but an addy would be nice so I can pay a visit.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing angst. Let me know how I did.  
  
Feedback: Positive and encouraging words will be cherished forever.  
  
Dedication: This one is for all the drippers out there. I love all of your fics. And to Andre, the best friend anyone can wish for. I'm glad we're friends! This one's for you dd.   
  
MATTERS OF THE HEART  
  
It was early in the morning and John Doggett made his way through the crowded Dulles International Airport. Backpackers were trying to find their way out; children were rummaging through their parents' suitcases. The arrival hall was stamped with people waiting for their family, friends or loved ones. John Doggett was waiting for those three persons bundled in one: Monica Reyes. She was returning from an undercover mission in Mexico. She had been gone for nearly two months and John had missed her like hell. He had been reluctant to let her go alone, buy he had had little choice in the matter. She had teamed up with an investigator from Acapulco to investigate unexplainable kidnappings in the Acapulco area. It had taken them quite some time to close the case, much to John's dismay. He could picture her walking down the beach in a skinny bikini, that detective keeping a close eye on her. Truth be told, he was a little jealous. He would have loved to go to Mexico with her, but they needed a local. With Monica being an expert in the supernatural and growing up in Mexico, she was perfect. With John's poor knowledge of Spanish, his help was ruled out. So they ended up being separated for a while.  
  
The doors opened and an apparently very tired and worn out Monica Reyes stepped through. A small duffel bag hung over her shoulder and she was holding a large suitcase in her other hand. She spotted John waiting in a corner and a large smile appeared on her face. She waved at him to catch his attention, but he seemed to be miles away. As soon as their eyes met and John saw her smile, his heart skipped a beat and he felt warm inside. He walked to where she was standing and she stumbled in his arms, her legs shaky. Monica put her arms around John's waist, holding him closely. John put his cheek on the top of her head and inhaled her scent. She smelled like strawberry and peach. No words were spoken; they were just content to hold each other for a moment. John was the first to pull away, smiling at Monica. She grinned back at him.  
  
"It's nice to see you, Monica. I don't think I gotta ask if you're okay." He still looked at her, unable to tear his eyes away from her face.  
  
Monica smiled at him, before stepping back into his embrace. "I'm dead on my feet, John. It was the two hardest months of my life. I can't remember how many nights I stayed up, trying to crack this one." She stepped out of his embrace and smiled weakly at him.  
  
"Yeah, but you managed to catch the guy. I gotta say Monica, I'm proud of ya." John kissed the top of her head, threw her duffel bag over his shoulder and took her suitcase. "Come on Monica, I'm taking you home. You look like you could sleep for a week." He looked over at her and she just shook her head, looking like she was already half asleep.  
  
She followed him out of the airport and to his SUV. Once they reached his SUV, he put her bags in the trunk and opened her door. With his hand on the small of her back he helped her inside.  
  
"Aren't we being a gentleman today?" Monica looked up at him, the humour apparent in her eyes.  
  
"Ain't I always the perfect gentleman?" John's eyes grew big, causing Monica to start giggling. "I kinda missed you, Monica."  
  
"You kinda missed me?" Monica smiled mischievously. "You really know how to talk to women, do you?"  
  
"I guess I do." John's eyes bore right through Monica's soul.  
  
"Yeah you do, John." Monica shook her head and John expertly manoeuvred his SUV out of the crowded garage.  
  
They left the airport without much trouble and drove down the highway. While John was concentrating on the road, Monica was smiling to herself. She was happy about the joy John had shown seeing her back. He had never been a man of many emotions - or he didn't allow his emotions to the surface. But for a split second she had been able to see right through his soul. And she liked what she had seen. They had always been pretty close, especially since Monica had joined him on the x-files. And Monica had never really hidden how she felt about John. But lately she had the impression John was allowing himself to grow closer to her.  
  
While Monica was thinking about her deep and growing friendship with John, she was lulled into sleep by the soft driving of his SUV. When John stopped the car in front of her apartment building, she was softly snoring. She stirred a little but didn't wake up. John got out of his SUV and walked to Monica's side, opening the door. He gently picked her up and walked her to the door. He took the keys to her apartment out of his pocked and managed to open the door without disturbing her. He walked into the elevator and walked into her apartment. John carried her all the way to her bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed. He removed her shoes and socks and covered her. Before leaving, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and removed a strand of hair that had graciously fallen in her face. John smiled at his best friend. "Goodnight, Monica. Have sweet dreams."  
  
John closed the door and silently left her apartment. His heart has leapt when he had seen Monica sleeping. He knew he cared a lot about her, but he didn't know if the time was right to tell her just yet how much he really cared.  
  
THE NEXT MORNING, JOHN DOGGETT'S RESIDENCE  
  
John was cleaning his kitchen when his phone rang. "John Doggett."  
  
"Hey John, it's me." John could hear Monica smiling into the phone.  
  
"Hey Monica! How are ya? Did ya sleep okay?"  
  
"I slept like a rose. I just wanted to thank you for driving me home. And for putting me in bed."  
  
"You're more than welcome." John grinned into the receiver.  
  
"There's something I gotta ask you. Dana and Mulder are going to this new club. Do you want to come along?"  
  
"I dunno, Monica. You know clubs and me. We don't get along that well."  
  
"Don't be such a party pooper, John. It'll be fun."  
  
"I dunno, Monica."  
  
"Oh, come on John. Do you want me to beg you?"  
  
"Well, that's an interesting thought. I just might hold you to that."  
  
"Please John, I'm begging you." Monica giggled into the phone.  
  
"I love it when you giggle." If Monica had seen the smile John gave her, she would surely have melted inside.  
  
"I'm sure you do. So are you coming?"  
  
"Okay, I'll come along. Maybe it'll be fun."  
  
"That's a boy. It wasn't even hard to give in."  
  
"I can play it harder if you want." John's eyes twinkled mischievously.  
  
"I'm sure you can John, but I like it nice and easy sometimes."  
  
"Doesn't everyone?"  
  
"Yeah, well... Mulder and Scully are meeting me at my place around six. Do you think you can make it?"  
  
"I'll be there. See ya."  
  
"Bye."  
  
John ended the conversation and smiled to himself. It felt great to have her back, even if it meant going clubbing with her. He had missed her a lot when she was gone. He felt like a part of him was missing. Monica was the better part of him, even if he never said it out loud. Without her, John felt empty and useless. And it was about time he acted upon his feelings. Maybe tonight would be the perfect moment. He knew he couldn't go on like this forever. He was close to losing the fight he had put on with his feelings.   
  
A few hours later, John was getting dressed. He picked a tight black 501, a grey shirt and brown timberland boots. He put everything on and checked himself out in the mirror. The result wasn't bad. He grabbed his black leather jacket, his keys and took off.   
  
When John arrived at Monica's place it was only 5.40. He let himself in her building with the spare set of keys she had given him. He jumped in the elevator and softly knocked on her door. Monica opened her brush in her hand. John smiled at her and surprised her by placing a feather light kiss on her cheek.  
  
"Hey Monica. You look good."  
  
Monica blushed slightly and took in his features. He was looking very handsome tonight; his eyes appeared even bluer because of the black he was wearing. Monica blushed slightly when she noticed John had surprised her staring. A huge grin appeared on his face. "Thanks John. You don't look bad yourself." Monica fidgeted nervously with her brush, looking down at her feet.  
  
"Geez, Monica. I don't think my old heart can't take that much compliments."  
  
"And we don't want anything to happen to that old heart of yours."  
  
"You don't?" John's eyes bore into Monica's.  
  
"Of course I don't. What kind of question is that? Who would I bore to dead with my theories if you weren't there?" Monica lifted her eyebrows at John.  
  
"So, if I understand what you're saying, I'm just your toy boy?"  
  
"As if you didn't know yet."  
  
"Great. Thanks Monica."  
  
"No pun intended, John."  
  
Monica grinned widely at John and he pinched her arm. She screamed, sending John into a mad fit of laughter. He looked her tenderly in the eyes and laid his hand on her cheek. He gently caressed her with his thumb and Monica smiled shyly at him.  
  
"You know I missed you Monica, right?" John felt Monica's cheek burn under his touch.  
  
"I missed you too, John. During the little free time I had, I got bored out of my skull. I kept thinking about taking the next plane home and bore you to dead with my theories. Or I hoped you would fall out of the sky."  
  
John was taken back by so much honesty coming from Monica. "I know what you mean, Monica. Better than you can imagine."  
  
John pulled his hand away from Monica's cheek and smiled at her. He felt a little embarrassed at showing so much affection, but it was the only way he would be able to make her understand what she meant to him. He didn't always know how to act around her, nor was he really sure what she felt for him. Something was definitely going on, but neither of them had the courage to act upon it.  
  
Both were interrupted in their personal thoughts by the doorbell. Monica opened the door and a grinning Mulder and a laughing Scully greeted them.  
  
"Monica, it's great to see you." Scully hugged Monica and smiled at John over Monica's shoulder. "How was Mexico?"  
  
"You know same old same old. Hot, poor and boring. Mind you, I didn't have much time to be bored." Monica smiled at Scully and they turned around to find both men chatting happily on the couch.  
  
"Who'd have known they would get along?" Dana said, while grinning at Monica.  
  
"To be honest, Dana, I had a hunch." She grinned and walked into the kitchen, opening the cabinet and taking out some biscuits. "Does anyone want a drink?" When no one answered she went back to the living room and peeked around the corner. John and Scully were laughing at something Mulder said. She approached them and John looked up at her.  
  
"Mon? Something the matter?" He looked at her with raised eyebrows.  
  
"I wanted to know if anyone wanted a drink, but I guess you guys were too busy dealing with Mulder and his dirty jokes." At hearing his name, Mulder looked up at her. "Right, Mulder?"  
  
"What are you talking about? Dirty jokes and me? I think not." Mulder shook his head and looked very serious, shrugged his shoulders and sat down next to Scully.  
  
"So, does anyone want a drink?" Monica looked at Mulder and Scully.  
  
"An orange juice would be nice, thanks Monica." Scully answered and looked expectantly at Mulder, who just stared back at her, having no idea what was going on. "Just give him the same." Scully looked back at Monica, a slight grin appearing around the corner of her mouth.  
  
Monica turned around and walked back to the kitchen, feeling a hand on the small of her back. She turned her head and looked straight into baby blue eyes. "I'll give ya a hand, Mon." The use of her nickname didn't go unnoticed. She smiled thankfully at him and opened the fridge, took out the orange juice and turned around. She bumped into John, who was standing closely behind her. She gave him an odd look and saw a small smile appearing around the corners of his mouth. Without warning, he pulled her into a tight embrace and she almost dropped the carton of juice she was holding. She put her free hand around his back and smiled into his sweet embrace. John dropped a feather light kiss on the top of her head, before releasing her and looking down at her tenderly.  
  
Monica raised her eyebrows and stepped a little closer to John, already missing his warmth. "What was that for, John?"  
  
He shrugged his shoulder and smiled. "I just wanted to hold you."  
  
Monica was surprised at his words and just stared at him. She offered him a typical Monica-smile and John smiled back. "Very sweet of you, John. Would you mind taking a couple of glasses?"  
  
"Sure thing, Mon." John opened the cabinet and took four glasses. Monica opened the carton of juice and filled them. She put the carton back in the fridge and took two glasses while John took the other two. He put his mouth next to her ear and whispered. "It's great to see how well we work as a team."  
  
"Two can play that game." Before John had a chance to realise what was going on, she felt her lips in his neck. She tenderly kissed his Adam apple. She turned away from him and walked off.   
  
John put the glasses on the sink and held Monica by her arm. She turned around with a surprised look on her face and John looked her straight in the eyes. "John?" Monica asked, standing very close to John.  
  
"Mon, you're playing a dangerous game here." He smiled and came closer to her, inch by inch. He scared the hell out of her by placing a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth.  
  
Monica said nothing; she just stared at John with her mouth wide open. John on the other hand had a victorious smile on his face. He took the glasses from the sink, gave her a sideways look and walked into the living room, handing both Mulder and Scully a glass. Monica stayed behind, unable to move. She touched the part of her mouth were John had kissed her with her fingertips. She couldn't quite believe it. Never in her wildest dream had she thought that John would do something like that. But it had meant nothing, right? Yeah right, whom was she kidding?  
  
A minute later, Monica was still standing where John had left her. He walked back in the kitchen, finding her leaning against the doorframe, the glasses shaking in her hands. He took the glasses from her and put them on the sink. As he carefully approached her, she lifted her eyes to his. They came eye to, the world around them coming to a halt.   
  
Scully noticed them standing staring at each other in the doorway and nudged Mulder in the ribs. A huge grin appeared on his mouth. "I knew this would happen." He whispered to Scully and she motioned for him to keep quiet. The couple was still standing there motionless, merely staring at each other, neither of them moving. Both Mulder and Scully gave them curious looks, wondering what would happen next.  
  
"Come on, kiss her already." Mulder whispered to Scully, still smiling.  
  
"Shut up, Mulder."  
  
"You gonna make me? How are you gonna do that?" Mulder gave her a cheeky grin.  
  
Scully put her lips to his to silence him and he responded by kissing her back. A few seconds later, they pulled apart and Mulder laid his hand on her cheek. "I can live with that." Both heads turned to the door, just in time to see John breaking the spell by taking Monica by the arm and disappearing in the kitchen.  
  
"I would love to be a fly on the wall."  
  
"You've got a dirty mind, Mulder."  
  
"I..."  
  
"Enough already Mulder."  
  
In the meantime, Monica was leaning against the kitchen counter, still unable to tear her gaze away from John. He sighed deeply and put his arms around her. She relaxed into his embrace, a huge grin appearing on her face. She pulled away from him and read all the love he had for her in his eyes. He smiled at her and tenderly kissed her on the cheek. "I think you and I gotta talk, Mon."  
  
Monica shook her head. "Yeah we do, John."  
  
John sighed. "Why don't we check out this club and we'll talk later."  
  
"Okay, I can live with that."  
  
They walked back to the living room, only to find Mulder and Scully whispering to each other. John coughed and they both looked up. "What are you guys whispering about?"  
  
Mulder opened his mouth to say something, but Scully gave him a warning look. "Nothing. Are you guys ready to go?"  
  
John took his jacket and handed Monica's hers. "Let's go."  
  
Mulder and Scully walked out of the apartment, Monica and John not far behind. Monica felt John's hand on the small of her back and she smiled at him. He smiled back and they followed the other couple outside. Once they reached John's car, he opened the door for Monica. He looked at Scully. "Are you guys driving with us?"  
  
Scully looked at Mulder and he shook his head. "We'll take our car, so we can drive home from the club. Are you following us, John?"  
  
"Sure, I don't have much choice. I have no idea where this club is."  
  
"Don't worry, it's a short drive. See you guys there?"  
  
John climbed in his car and gave Monica a look. She was smiling back at him. "Ready to have some real fun, John?"  
  
"I was having fun before."  
  
Monica said nothing. John could swear he saw her blush slightly.  
  
They arrived at the new club less than fifteen minutes later. All four had to laugh when they saw the club's name. It was called "The Love Shack". The outside was decorated with red and pink heart.   
  
John groaned and looked at Monica. "Whose idea was it to come here?"  
  
Monica shrugged her shoulders and looked expectantly at Scully. Scully raised an eyebrow and held her hands up in defence. "I didn't know, alright. A colleague from Quantico told me it was a wonderful club: The right atmosphere, great music. She said it was perfect with the right company."  
  
Mulder whispered in her ear. "I can see why."   
  
Scully elbowed him in the ribs. "I get the message, Mulder." She looked at both John and Monica; both seemed a little taken back. "Do you guys wanna go in?"  
  
John looked down at Monica and she waved her arms helplessly. "Why not, since we're here. Let's check it out."  
  
They walked inside, John putting his arm around Monica's shoulder. She smiled at him. "Scared you're gonna lose me, John?"  
  
"You could say that."  
  
He didn't say more, causing Monica to wonder what he meant. They found a nice table in the corner of the club. Mulder sat down next to Scully and John and Monica sat down in the opposite corner, sitting very close to each other. Scully noticed how close they were sitting and smiled at them.  
  
"Are you guys cold?"  
  
Monica gave Scully a surprised look. "What are you talking about, Dana?"  
  
"Nothing. Just that the two of you seem...um... very close."  
  
John and Monica smiled weakly and returned to their conversation. Mulder and Scully got up and took the order. "What are you guys having?"  
  
"I'll have an orange juice, thanks Dana."  
  
John gave her a surprised look. "Are you sick, Mon? I mean... no beer?"  
  
"No beer for me, John. I don't want to fall asleep. I'm not used to beer anymore and I'm afraid that if I drink one, I'll be tipsy."  
  
John slowly circled her arm with his thumb. "I'll have a non-alcoholic fruit cocktail."  
  
Monica gave him an odd look. "This is indeed very weird."  
  
"What's weird, Monica?"  
  
"You and a non-alcoholic fruit cocktail."  
  
John shrugged his shoulders. "I'm driving, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot." Monica and John got lost in each other's eyes and didn't notice Mulder and Scully leaving for the bar. John took Monica's hand in his under the table en intertwined their fingers. Her hand felt soft and warm in his and Monica was just enjoying being so close to John. If nothing came out of it tonight, she knew that from now on their relationship was changing. 


	2. Matters of the Heart Part 2

The rest of the evening went by peacefully. John and Monica sat close in their corner the entire evening, while Mulder and Scully danced. As surprising as it sounded, Mulder turned out to be a very good dancer. They left John and Monica alone, where they enjoyed each other's company. The few times Mulder and Scully came back to take a sip from their drink; John and Monica didn't even acknowledge them. They were so wrapped up in each other that the world around them seized to exist.  
  
At the end of the night, John drove Monica home, enjoying their last moments together, wanting to take out as much as possible. He didn't want the night to end just yet, but he was too scared to do something about what was going on between them. He stopped his SUV in front of her apartment, hesitating to get out. He decided to be a real gentleman and opened Monica's door. She got out and their eyes locked, both smiling. John was fighting an internal battle about weather to kiss her or not. He gave her a tender look and gently kissed her on the forehead. She took his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.   
  
Monica turned around, almost inside of her building. She had almost reached the front door when John called her back. "Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?"  
  
Monica smiled and gave him a cheeky grin. "I'll be fine, John. Are you scared to stay in the car by yourself?"  
  
"Maybe. How about you? Someone could be hiding in your closet."  
  
"Right, John. And last time I checked, I was Esmeralda."  
  
The corners of John's mouth curled into a grin. "I always knew you were a princess, Mon."  
  
John's words surprised her and caused her to blush violently. "You're such a flirt sometimes, John Doggett."  
  
"If there's a problem, just call me. I've got this strange feeling."  
  
"We're not in the movies, John. I'll be just fine."  
  
John sighed. "If you say so. Maybe I should come up and see if everything is okay."  
  
Monica smiled thankfully at him. She wanted him to come up, she really did. But he had to do it for the right reasons, not just because he was worried about her. She wanted him to come up because he wanted to be with her, not check up on her. But deep down she knew that it would take some more time before John was at ease with his feelings. The things he had said and done today didn't lie. He was slowly taking their relationship to the next level. Still, she knew it could take a few months before they reached that next level. She started to wonder how long it would take him before he kissed her. Not just a peck on the corner of her mouth. That didn't count. She wanted the fairytale kiss. Like a prince kissed his princess. Eventually, they would get there, but she also knew they had a long and bumpy road ahead.  
  
John was standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching her almost disappear into the apartment. He had a concerned look on his face. Monica gave him one last glance. "John, nothing is going to happen to me."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
"Thanks John, you're adorable."  
  
"Yeah, I know." He grinned at her. «Goodnight, Monica."  
  
"Night, John."  
  
Monica turned around and John walked back to his SUV. He opened the door, but for some reason he didn't get in.  
  
Fifteen minutes later he was still standing there, leaning against his SUV, looking at her apartment. He had a very strange feeling in his guts, but he didn't know what it was. Something held him back from leaving. Maybe it was regret; he should have kissed her when he had the opportunity. God knew how much he wanted to kiss her, but fear held him back. The same thing had held him back right before her accident. He knew he couldn't go on playing those games for much longer. It wasn't fair to him and it certainly wasn't fair to Monica. He didn't want to hurt her, but he knew that in some way he was hurting her. Even if the urge to kiss her was strong, the lack of courage was even stronger.  
  
Like a knife cutting right through his soul, he heard an icy scream coming from Monica's apartment. He fumbled with his keys to get in and ran upstairs as if his life depended on it. And in a way it did. He almost ran her door down in his hurry to get in. He made his way through her apartment and was knocked down by someone, with his pants hanging to his knees. John got up and his brain started to work in overdrive; he already feared the worst. He found Monica on the bathroom floor, naked from the waist down. She clutched a nearby towel and her sobs became uncontrollable. John walked to where she was laying and gently picked her up. He walked her to her bedroom, lifted the covers and laid her down in bed. He dialled Scully number and told her what had happened. He didn't really know what the guy had done to Monica, but she had bruises and cuts on her face. Her mouth was bleeding and her eyes were almost closed. He didn't touch her anymore than needed to; he just sat next to her, afraid how she would react if he took her hand. He doubted she even knew he was there. She seemed to be in her own world, sobbing like he had never seen her before. Tears sprang in John's eyes. He didn't know what to do and he hated to see Monica vulnerable like that. And right at that moment he decided that he would find the bastard that had hurt her like that and would rip his heart out with his bare hands.  
  
Monica moaned softly and John held a cool washcloth against her forehead, carefully avoiding the cuts and bruises. The friend in him wanted nothing more than to clean her wounds and take the pain away, but the agent in him knew he couldn't do that. Monica seemed to calm down a little from the cool touch and her eyes fluttered open slightly. "John?" Her voice was soft and John barely recognised it.   
  
"Take it easy, Mon. Scully is on her way. Try to stay still, you're safe now." He lay down next to her and tried to hold her without disturbing or hurting her too much. She crawled closer to him and he gently rocked her in his arms, still trying to avoid her wounds. She sobbed into his shoulder and John was trying to be brave for her sake. He stayed like that for a while, tears finally finding their way out of his eyes. He fought them back, but it seemed that the gates to heaven had been pulled open. A soft sob escaped his mouth and his shoulders started to shake slightly.   
  
He heard Scully come in and she made her way into the bedroom. John didn't bother to hide his tears; he just looked at Scully with a worried face. Scully was shocked to see Monica in such a state, but she hid it well. As bad as Monica looked, John didn't look much better. He was crying like a lost puppy and his face was turning a shade of blue. Scully finally broke the silence. "John, you've got to let her go. She needs to go to hospital."  
  
"I can't... This is my entire fault."  
  
"It's not your fault, John. You can't be with her 24 hours a day. The best you can do for her right now is getting her to hospital. They have to check her out. She's got wounds that need to be cleaned. And they need to do a...." Upon seeing the look on John's face, Scully fell silent."  
  
John let out a deep sigh, trying to control his emotions. "I know, Dana, they have to..."  
  
"She'll be fine, John. Come on; let's get you both to hospital."  
  
John shook his head. "She's not fully dressed. You..."  
  
"I'll put some sweatpants on, John." She gave him a straight look. "But I need you to do something, John."  
  
"Okay, what do you want me to do?"  
  
"Get a bag and pack the clothes she was wearing. It's probably the closest to evidence we have. Do you think you can do that?"  
  
John nodded, made his way to the bathroom and threw her clothes in a bag. In the meantime Scully pulled out a pair of sweatpants out of Monica's closet and put them on. She didn't fail to notice the cuts Monica had on the insides of her thighs.  
  
John was standing in the doorway, looking down at Scully. "How bad is it, Dana?"  
  
"I can't tell, John. But I can tell you that she has cuts on the insides of her thighs."  
  
"Oh God..."  
  
"We don't know what happened yet, John. Try not to fear the worst."  
  
John raised his voice, anger getting the better of him. "How can I not fear the worst when the most important person in my life is lying on that bed helplessly? Don't tell me how I should feel!"  
  
Scully seemed less than surprised at his sudden outburst. It was a normal reaction. Nevertheless, seeing the always-calm John Doggett like that scared her. "John, I'm not trying to tell you how you should feel. I just..."  
  
John bowed his head and looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, Dana. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just that I dunno how to help Monica."  
  
"It's okay, John. Why don't you carry her to my car? That's how you can help her. Be there for her, helping her. Don't go into blind anger, it won't get you anywhere."  
  
"Okay." John walked past Scully and she put a hand on his arm, trying to offer little comfort. He gently picked Monica up and followed by Scully, walked her to his car. He turned around to find Scully shaking her head.  
  
"I think you're in no condition to drive."  
  
John nodded his approval. "You're probably right." He walked to Scully's car and she opened the back door for him. He put Monica down gently, and climbed in next to her, laying her head in his lap, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. "Who ever did this Dana, I swear I'm gonna get that bastard."  
  
Scully looked in the rear-view mirror, hatred in John's eyes. "We'll get the guy, John. But don't do anything stupid. How do you think that'll make Monica feel?"  
  
Monica stirred next to him and softly mumbled. "She's right."  
  
"Mon?" John put a lock of hair behind her ear, but she didn't answer. She was unconscious again. He looked at Scully. "Is it normal that she's in and out of consciousness?"  
  
"She's probably in pain John and that's a normal reaction of the body. She would feel way too uncomfortable if she was awake."  
  
"Okay."  
  
The rest of the drive to hospital was spent in silence, John staring out of the window and tenderly caressing Monica's hair. Every now and then he checked up on her, but the stayed unconscious the entire drive to hospital. Scully had managed to call the hospital and warn them about their arrival.   
  
When they finally made it there, she pulled into emergency and a couple of nurses were already waiting with a stretcher. John managed to get her out of the car without disturbing her too much and laid her down on the stretcher. They took her away in a hurry, leaving a guilty-feeling and worried John Doggett behind. He tried to get in with her, but they wouldn't let him. He was glad Scully was with her. At least she would have someone waiting for her when she woke up.  
  
John was walking up and down the corridor, waiting for more news about Monica. They had arrived a little less than two hours ago and it were one of the longest two hours in John's life. Finally, Scully emerged, a worried look on her face.  
  
John walked over to her. "How's she doing?"  
  
"I'm not gonna lie to you, John. She's sleeping for now, but I'd say she's in pretty bad shape."  
  
"What really happened to her?"  
  
"She was badly beaten and she has cuts and bruises all over her body. She will hurt like hell for the next few days, but the good news is that she wasn't raped. You probably came in just in time to scare the guy away."  
  
John let out a deep sigh he didn't know he was holding. "Can I see her?"  
  
"Sure John, but like I said, she's asleep."  
  
John turned around and made his way to Monica's room. He had tears in his eyes and he had to fight back sobs when he saw her lying on the bed like a fragile little girl. She was crushed, staring in front of her. He face had turned blue and her eyes were swollen and purple. When she saw John, she started crying again. John stood in front of the door motionless, not sure what to do or to say.   
  
"Leave me alone, John. I don't want to see you."  
  
John took a tentative step closer to her. "But Mon."  
  
She clutched her bed sheet to her and then everything happened in a blur. She jumped up from her bed and started yelling at John. "I don't need your help! Why don't you just leave me alone?"  
  
"Mon."  
  
"Are you deaf? I told you to get out. Get lost! I hate you John Doggett and I don't want to see you ever again. You're just like all the guys and I don't trust you!"  
  
John was just standing there; feeling like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He was unable to move, let alone speak. He felt like a truck had hit him. He turned around and opened the door, getting ready to leave Monica's room. Behind him, Monica was crying. She cried with all the tears she had left. "Come back, John. I need your help. Please..."  
  
John turned around again and walked up to Monica. He sat down on her bed and he put his arms around her. She clutched to him and he took her small hand in his. "Everything will be fine, Mon."  
  
They stayed in each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity. Slowly, Monica's sobs were subsiding. She looked up at John, a sad look crossing her features. "I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean what I said. I trust you with my life."  
  
John put his hand on her cheek and played with a lock of hair that had fallen in her face. "I know Monica. And I'm sorry too. For not being there for you when you needed me. For failing you again. I wanna help you, Mon."  
  
"Thanks John, but I don't know if you can help me. I don't know if anyone can help me. I guess I'll have to get through this alone."  
  
"You're not alone on this, Mon. I'll be with you all the way, no matter what it takes."  
  
She smiled thankfully. "Thank you John. It means a lot to me. Do you think we could go for a walk?"  
  
"I dunno Mon. You're supposed to rest."  
  
"Five minutes won't hurt me. I need to get out of this room for a few minutes or I'll go crazy."  
  
"Okay then." John helped her up and hand in hand they left the room. Scully was waiting for John outside.  
  
"Are you okay, Monica?"  
  
"I've had better days, but thanks Dana."  
  
"You shouldn't be up yet. You should be in bed, sleeping."  
  
"I'm just going for a walk down the hall."  
  
"Be careful. And if it starts hurting again, come back. I don't want you to open your stitches."  
  
At that, John turned his head to Scully. "Stitches? You didn't tell me about stitches."  
  
"John, you were in a hurry to go and see her. I was going to tell you, but you left before I had the chance."  
  
John mouthed an 'o' and looked back at Monica. "Does it hurt?"  
  
"They don't really hurt, but they are at a very uncomfortable place. Let's just say it itches and I'm afraid it'll be painful to go to the bathroom."  
  
Scully laid a caring hand on Monica's arm. "They won't hurt too much. Like you said, they will make you itchy."  
  
Monica looked back at John. "Can we just take a little walk please? I don't want to be stiff in the morning."  
  
John put his arm around her shoulder and they walked down the hall. Scully shook her head; Monica was obviously in denial. She was blocking what had happened to her out of her mind. She acted as if nothing was wrong. This was a natural reaction. But eventually she would have to talk to someone about it. Scully hoped that she would open up to John, who would be there for her. When they came back, John gave Scully a weak smile. He got inside with Monica and not five minutes later he emerged. "I guess the medicine is kicking in. She fell asleep like a rock."  
  
"Good. I need to talk to you, John."  
  
He followed her down the hall and didn't miss the serious look Scully had on her face.  
  
"What's wrong, Dana?"  
  
"We have to talk about Monica."  
  
"She seems to be doing fine, doesn't she?"  
  
Scully shook her head. "Don't think that, John. She's putting up a face. She's not doing fine. John, Monica is in denial. She needs to talk about what happened."  
  
"I guess she'll talk when she's ready for it."  
  
"I don't think so. You need to try to get her into talking."  
  
John rolled his eyes. "I can't force her."  
  
"No John, you can't. All you can do is being there for her and maybe she'll come to you by herself. She needs a confident and my best guess is that you will be it. She trusts you John and I think she'll probably talk to you. But if she doesn't, it's going to hit her in the face sooner or later. And when that happens, she's gonna need you more than ever."  
  
"Okay. When can I take her home?"  
  
"They want to keep in observation overnight. You can pick her up tomorrow afternoon."  
  
"I'll be here." John smiled at Scully. "Thanks for being there for her, Dana."  
  
Scully laid a caring hand on John's arm. "She'll be fine John."  
  
John smiled weakly and left the George Washington Hospital, hoping for Monica to have a peaceful night.  
  
John arrived at his place not much later. The hospital was not too far from his place and in a way he was glad. If anything went wrong with Monica tonight, he would be there in a heartbeat. Deep down he knew nothing would go wrong with her, but he couldn't help but worry. He traded his jeans for a black boxer and a large NY Knicks t-shirt and crawled into bed. He tried to close his eyes and rest, but he couldn't sleep. He kept thinking about Monica and how this would affect her.   
  
FBI HEADQUARTERS, NEXT MORNING  
  
After a sleepless night, John arrived at the bureau around 9.30. It was Saturday, but he called Skinner and he would meet him at 10. He needed to tell him what had happened to Monica and ask him for some leave, so he could take care of Monica. He knew Monica would probably say she was okay to stay alone and that he didn't have to waste his leave to stay with her. But he wanted to be there for, take care of her.   
  
John sat behind his desk, trying to do some paperwork while waiting for Skinner. But how hard he tried, he couldn't concentrate on anything else but Monica. She was constantly on his mind. He kept trying to figure out how to help her. And the more he thought about it, the more he realised that all he could do was be there for her. She was the one who had to get over it. She was the one needing to deal with it. He had to deal with it too, but Monica was the victim and not he. Monica had to do the talking. All John could do was listening. It made him angry. He was an ex-marine, and ex-NYPD cop and an FBI agent. And he couldn't do anything to help his best friend. Monica was his partner, like his big sister, his confident. And still, she was so much more than that.   
  
He was deeply thinking about Monica when his phone rang. It was Skinner, telling him that he could come up. John left his office and took the elevator to Skinner's floor, still in deep thoughts. He softly knocked on the door and was greeted by a casually dressed AD. "Take a seat, Agent Doggett."  
  
John nodded his head. "Good morning, Sir."  
  
"What can I do for you, Agent?"   
  
John looked at Skinner, a hard expression crossing his features. "It's about Monica, Sir."  
  
"John?"  
  
John sighed deeply and looked at the older man, a worried look on his face. "She was attacked in her apartment last night."  
  
"Attacked? What happened?"  
  
John hung his shoulders and looked at his fingers. "Well, I dropped her off at her place last night and apparently someone was waiting for her. I had a strange feeling when I dropped her off and I couldn't leave immediately. About fifteen minutes later, I heard a scream coming for Monica's apartment and I ran inside. I was ran over by a guy, his pants half down. I found Monica on her bathroom floor and she was..."  
  
"Not fully dressed?" the older man finished for him.  
  
"No, Sir. She's in hospital right now. She can leave this afternoon. Sir, I'd like to investigate this."  
  
"Have you called the police, Agent Doggett?"  
  
"Yes Sir, they were at her place this morning."  
  
"Have they spoken to Monica yet?"  
  
John rolled his eyes at Skinner. "But Sir..."  
  
"You have to let them speak to her."  
  
"I'll call them from home."  
  
"Make sure you do so, Agent Doggett. How's Agent Reyes doing?"  
  
John let out a puff of air. "Not too good, Sir. She has cuts and bruises over her entire body, she has a few stitches and she's in denial. But there's some good new too, Sir; She wasn't raped."  
  
"You probably came in time to spare her that ordeal."  
  
"I dunno, Sir. I think I could have done more."  
  
Skinner shook his head. "There's nothing you could have done, John. This is not your fault. So don't go feeling all guilty over it."  
  
"Right Sir."  
  
"So I take it Agent Reyes will be on sick leave for a while?"  
  
"Yes, Sir. And I wanted to ask you for some time off so I can keep an eye on her."  
  
"Granted, Agent Doggett. Take as long as you need. I'm sure you have put in more than enough hours to get some time off. Don't worry about anything; I'll take care of it."  
  
"Thank you, Sir." John gave his boss a small smile and left the office. He was about to take the elevator when his cell phone rang. "Agent Doggett."  
  
"John, it's Scully. I'm at the hospital and..."  
  
"Is Monica okay?"  
  
"She's fine, John. I just wanted to let you know that she's awake and you can take her home now if you want."  
  
"I'm on my way."  
  
John put his phone back in the pocket of his jacket and made his way to the garage. He drove off in a hurry.  
  
GEORGE WASHINGTON HOSPITAL, 10.30 am  
  
John parked his SUV and made his way inside the brand new hospital. He almost ran to Monica's room and peered through the window. She was sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling. When John softly knocked an opened the door, she gave him a brief look and smiled weakly. John sat down by her side, but she moved away from him. He tried to keep his distances, but gave her a look. "How are you feeling, Monica?"  
  
She briefly met his gaze, shrugged her shoulders and mumbled something. John didn't understand a thing she had said, but didn't push her further. He got up, took her small bag and held out his hand to her. She looked at him, then at his outstretched hand and back at him. Hesitantly she laid her hand in his and he gave it a gentle squeeze. They walked out of the room, John keeping an eye on his partner.  
  
They were on the parking lot, Scully coming over to them. She greeted John and nodded at Monica. "Can I speak to you both?"  
  
John nodded. "Can't it wait, Dana? I'd like to take Monica home."  
  
"It won't take long." She turned to Monica, who was obviously somewhere else with her mind. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, Monica. I really am. And if there's anything I can do to help you, I hope you'll let me know."  
  
Monica gave her a small smile. "Thanks Dana."  
  
"Do you want me to call your parents or something?"  
  
"I don't want to let them know, Dana."  
  
"Do you think that's wise? I mean they have the right to know."  
  
"No!" Monica turned around and with a decided step she walked to John's SUV. John wanted to follow her, but Scully held him back.  
  
"Let me see if she's alright."  
  
"Just a second, John." Scully held him back with a hand on his arm. "Take good care of her."  
  
John gave her a small smile. "I will, don't worry."  
  
"I know you will John."  
  
John walked to his SUV; Monica was leaning against the hood. He stood right in front of her and she was on the verge of tears. He sat down on the hood and put his arm around her shoulder. She leaned against him and tears were falling down her face. She sobbed into his shirt, soaking it in the process. They stayed like that for a few minutes before her let her go. No words were spoken after he let her go. John opened the door to his SUV and helped Monica inside.   
  
The drive was spent in silence, Monica constantly gazing out the window, looking straight through passing cars. John didn't try to start a conversation; he knew Monica had to come around before she started talking. She was in deep thoughts, but didn't fail to notice John was driving to Falls Church.  
  
"Where are we going John?" She gave him a sideway glance.   
  
"I'm taking you to my place, Monica. There's not the slightest chance in the world that I'm gonna leave you at your place all by yourself. Besides, I don't think it would be wise for you to stay at your apartment. You have to recover and you can't do that if you always think about what happened."  
  
"That's very sweet of you John, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what happened. Even when I'm out of my apartment."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Mon." John took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He had been taking her hand a lot lately. It was his way of showing his support. He wanted her to know that whatever happened, he was there for her.  
  
They finally reached John's beautiful house in Falls Church. John glanced over at Monica and she was dozing off. Although it was a short drive from the hospital, she was falling asleep. He gently tried to wake her without scaring her too much. "We're here Mon." Monica opened her eyes and looked straight into John's smiling eyes. "Sorry I had to wake you."  
  
Monica smiled back, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "That's okay, John."  
  
"I hope you don't mind, but I drove over to your place this morning and packed a few things. I also called the police and they checked your apartment on fingerprints. They found none of course. Your clothes turned out clean too."  
  
"Thanks John."  
  
He walked around his SUV and opened the car on Monica's side. He helped her out and slowly they made their way inside. Monica sat down on the couch and John went back to retrieve Monica's bag from the trunk. When he came back inside, he found her staring in front of her, softly crying. He sat down next to her and took her in his arms. She seemed to calm down from his tender touch and a few minutes later her tears were subsiding.   
  
"Thank you so much John. I don't know what I would do without you. I'll never forget all the support you are giving me."  
  
John took her hand and smiled lazily. "That's okay. I'll do anything for you, you know that."  
  
"Yes John and you have no idea how much I appreciate it." She gave him a tender look, but failed to notice the unshed tears in his eyes. He took her other hand and helped her to her feet. They walked over to the bottom of the stairs, where Monica gave John a questioning look. "John?"  
  
John turned his head in her direction. "What?"  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"You gotta rest. I've got the spare room ready for you. It'll be more comfortable than the couch."  
  
"You're probably right."  
  
Monica found out that the stairs were pretty difficult to take with the stitches she had, but slowly she managed to get upstairs. John opened the door to his spare room, which turned out to be Luke's old room. Monica looked at him. "Are you sure you want me to stay in here, John?"  
  
"Yes Monica, I'm sure." He gave her a reassuring look and lifted the covers of the bed. Monica slid in bed and smiled thankfully at John. It was then that she noticed the bruises John had on his face. She carefully put her hand on one of his bruises and he jumped back a little.   
  
"What happened to you, John?"  
  
"Not much, I was run over yesterday and I fell on my face."  
  
"Oh. I'm sorry John."  
  
"Mon, you have nothing to be sorry about. You couldn't help it. Remember that it's not your fault." He gently covered her and kissed her on the forehead. He got out of the room and something came to mind; suddenly he realised that Monica could very well have been killed. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her. He cared too much about her; she was the most important person in his life. He wished there was more he could do for her, now that she needed him most.  
  
John was cleaning the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Two female police officers were asking for Monica. John had called them as soon as Monica was in bed. He didn't really want to wake Monica, but when they arrived in the living room, she was already sitting on the couch. "What are you doing here, Monica?"  
  
She shuffled her feet on the floor. "I heard the doorbell and I came down to see who it was."  
  
Both officers looked at John, motioning for him to leave the room. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he didn't have a choice. He turned around and stomped away.  
  
The youngest officer looked at Monica. "Agent Reyes, I'm Officer Kate Davis and that's my partner Bonnie Morris. We'd like to ask you a few questions about what happened yesterday."  
  
"I don't think I'll be of much help. It all happened in a blur really. There's not much I can remember."  
  
Kate Davis folded her hands in her lap. "I know this is hard for you, but we have to do this. Is there anything you can remember?"  
  
Monica closed her eyes and tried to recall the evening before. "He had an accent... Spanish I think."  
  
"Are you sure it's Spanish?"  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"But you're not one hundred percent sure?"  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Is there anything else you can remember?"  
  
"No, that's pretty much it."  
  
Bonnie Morris interrupted them. "You're not giving us much to go on."  
  
Kate gave her colleague an icy glare. Monica looked at her with an open mouth and jumped off the couch. She came eye to eye with Bonnie Morris. "I told you I didn't know much."  
  
"Maybe if you try harder." Kate glared at Bonnie, stood up and gave her a warning look.  
  
"Give it a rest, Bonnie."  
  
Bonnie shook her head. "It's true Kate. She's an FBI agent. She should be able to tell us more."  
  
Monica growled at Bonnie. "I may be an FBI agent, but that still doesn't mean that I can see more than others. They guy was wearing a ski mask. How the hell should I know what he looked like?!" Monica spat at Bonnie, who took a step back.  
  
"Take it easy agent Reyes."  
  
"Why don't you get the hell out!" Monica started screaming and John came in to see what all the commotion was about. Monica had tears rolling down her cheeks and Bonnie started talking again.   
  
"Agent Reyes..."  
  
John interrupted them. "She told you everything she knows. Why don't you just leave now?  
  
Bonnie wasn't ready to give up without putting up a fight. "Agent Doggett."  
  
John clenched his jaw and his face turned white. "Get the hell out of my house!"  
  
Kate took Bonnie by her arm and pulled her out of the house. John slammed the door shut behind them and he could hear them arguing. He turned to Monica, whom was curled on the couch, crying her eyes out. He sat down next to her and without any words being spoken between them, she crawled to him and he rocked her like a baby. A few minutes later she looked up at him. "I can't tell them what happened. I really can't. They are strangers and this is so.."  
  
"I'm here for you Monica. If you wanna talk about it, I'm listening."  
  
"I know, but..." She started sobbing again and John mentally kicked himself.   
  
"It'll do you good to talk about it, Mon."  
  
In between sobs and sniffles, Monica started talking. John took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "He tried to rape me! That sick bastard tried to rape me, John!"  
  
"You don't have to tell me if you're not ready, Monica."  
  
"I need to talk about it, John. Someone has to know what happened and I trust you with my life."  
  
John gave her a tender look and gently caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I'm here for you, sweetie."  
  
END PART 5 


	3. Matters of the Heart Part 3

WARNING: THIS PART IS RATED R OR EVEN NC17. IF THIS OFFENDS YOU, YOU CAN SKIP TO PART 6B. PART 6A DEALS WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO MONICA. GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF VIOLENCE! THIS PART IS VERY SHORT AND YOU WON'T MISS ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T READ IT.  
  
"He was hiding in my bathroom. He was waiting until I started undressing and then he jumped me. I didn't expect it; he grabbed me from behind. He held a knife against my throat and pulled my shirt out of my jeans. Then he started touching me on my stomach, my back. That sick bastard put his hands in bra. He removed my shirt and my bra and he closed his mouth over my... Damn John, he had his mouth on my breasts!"  
  
John put his hand on her cheek and gently caressed her with his thumb. She smiled sadly. After trying to control her emotions a little, she started talking again. "It was horrible, John. His hands touched my anywhere. As soon as I made a sound I felt his knife going into my throat. He undid the buttons of my jeans and pulled them off. I felt his hands in my underwear and he touched me. He pulled his knife away from my throat and choked me with his hands. He cut my underwear away and I felt his knife on my thighs. He released my throat a little and that's when I yelled. He slapped me hard in my face and I fell to the floor. He held his knife against my throat and I saw him undoing the buckle of his belt. He lowered his pants and underwear and forced my legs open with a kick from his foot. He took something out of his pocket. He had a condom in his hand. He kneeled down and opened the package, carefully putting the empty package back in his pocket. He was about to enter me when I heard the door open. He got up and left. If it hadn't been for you John, he would have raped me." 


	4. Matters of the Heart Part 4

Monica was done talking and her crying had become uncontrollable. John held her tight against his chest and gently rocked her. She kept crying for several minutes, loudly sniffing and coughing. John sadly looked at his partner, tears shining in the corner of his eyes. "Are you okay, Mon?"  
  
Monica looked up at him with watery eyes. "I feel better already John. It helped to talk about it and I'm glad you listened to me."  
  
"I wouldn't have done it for anyone else."  
  
Monica took John's shirt between her fingers and looked up at him, a small smile crossing her features. "It seems I soaked your shirt."  
  
John looked down at his shirt and smiled at her. "That okay Mon." He got up and held out his hand for her to take. She took it and he helped her to her feet. She gave him a smile, before following him to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and peered inside. Behind him, Monica was almost grinning. "Well, there's not much eatable in there. How about ordering something?"  
  
"I'm not really hungry John, but don't let that stop you."  
  
John gave her a worried look. "You gotta eat, Mon. You need your strength."  
  
"I know John, but I feel like throwing up when I think about food."  
  
"I don't think food will get that feeling away, Mon."  
  
"But still..."   
  
John put his hands on Monica's shoulders and looked her deeply in the eyes. She sighed and turned her head away. She was staring at the floor and felt John's finger under her chin. He gently lifted her head and saw tears threatening to fall. Without saying a word he pulled her in his arms and held her tightly. She put her arms around his waist and clutched to him for dear life. They stayed like that for several minutes, before John pulled away and laid his hand on Monica's cheek. "I'm worried about you Mon. I feel like I should do more for you. I want to help you, but I don't know how."  
  
"John, don't..."  
  
"Monica, it was my fault. I should have been there for you. If I had come in like I should have, none of this would have happened."  
  
"John..."  
  
"No Monica!"  
  
John was starting to yell at Monica and tears were trickling down his face. Guilt was getting the best of him. He turned around and kicked against the nearest table. A glass fell on the floor and John was getting madder. He cleaned his kitchen table with a swipe from his arm, knifes and more glasses falling on the floor. Monica stood leaning against the wall, looking at John with a scared face; John was loosing it. He punched his arms through his kitchen window breaking it into a million pieces, blood slowly dripping from his fist. Monica ran to the living room and sat down on the floor against the wall. She pulled her knees against her chest and started crying. John immediately followed her, sat down against the wall next to her and pulled her to him. He rocked her against him, both of them crying.   
  
"I'm sorry Monica. I didn't mean for this to happen. I wish I could turn back the clock and undo everything that happened to you. I wish I could take some of your pain away. I am so angry and I don't know how to get rid of that anger. I just don't know it anymore Mon. I wanna kill that bastard, I wanna rip his heart out, I wanna..." His voice turned into a whisper. "I guess I want a lot of things."   
  
John kept on crying and his tears fell on Monica's hair. She was sobbing into his chest and they cried into each other for a while, hoping to find a little release. Monica was the first to pull away and she looked at John. She had never seen him cry like that before, not even when Luke was found dead. His eyes were red and puffed and a lonely tear made its way over his cheek, falling down on his shoulder. He looked at her and laid his head on his knees. Monica put her head on John's back and encircled his waist. John turned into her embrace and pulled her into his lap. He held her tightly and murmured tender words into her hair. After a while, they got up and John took both of Monica's hands in his. "Mon, I dunno what to say anymore."  
  
"You don't have to say anything, John."  
  
"I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. It's not your fault. It's entirely mine." Guilt was getting the better of him over and over again. He tried to fight that feeling, but he just couldn't. In his eyes he was right; what had happened to Monica was his fault.  
  
Monica sighed. "John, when will you finally understand that none of this is your fault?"  
  
"It is..."  
  
Monica raised her voice. "Just don't dare to say it, John!"  
  
"Monica!"  
  
Monica's eyes spat fire. "John! Why don't you just shut up!" She gave him an angry looked and stomped off. She opened the door to the backyard and threw it shut. She plopped down on the bench in the back of John's garden and stared in front of her. Her eyes were clouded with unshed tears.   
  
Inside, John was throwing angry punches at his punching ball in his basement. He tried to cool down before going after Monica, but it didn't help. He was so angry with himself. And instead of helping her, he was taking in his anger out on her, because she didn't want him to feel guilty. Maybe it was because of the fact that he couldn't really help her. He blamed himself and Monica refused to blame him. And he hated her for that. He realised he couldn't do that to her. She needed him as much as he needed her. It was as simple as that. And as weird as it may have sounded, John needed Monica at least as much as Monica needed him. She was the victim and he still needed her for comfort. It was complicated, yet it was so simple. John knew very well that he was being selfish. He needed to talk to Monica, because if he kept acting like that he would not only lose himself, but Monica too.   
  
He walked outside and saw Monica on the bench in the back of his yard. She was staring in front of her, probably watching the beautiful view John had from his yard. He walked behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, softly massaging them. She looked up at him with tear-clouded eyes. She got up and walked away. John let out a sigh; he had really hurt her.   
  
Monica was now leaning against a tree and tears had found their way down. John walked up behind her and encircled her waist. She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly. The harder Monica fought to get away from him, the harder he held her. She finally gave up the fight and turned around into him embrace, her arms going around his neck. He gently rocked her and Monica cried with all the tears she had left. He whispered soothing words and tenderly kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry Mon." John looked down. "I didn't mean to get mad at you. I'm mad at myself and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I just want to be there for you. That's all I really want. And if you need me Mon, I'm here for you. Whatever happens, whatever it takes." He raised his eyes and looked her in the eyes, his voice barely above a whisper. "Do ya think you could forgive this fool?"  
  
Monica softly started sobbing again, the impact of his words finding their way into her fragile heart. "Of course I can forgive you John. I need you, more than ever before." Tears followed sobs and soon she was crying again.  
  
"Shhh, it's okay Mon. I'll help you through this, I promise. You won't be alone. You'll never be alone again." John hugged her tightly, took her hand in his and together the walked back to the house. They sat down on the couch and John looked at Monica, another worried look on his face.  
  
"I'm okay John. I'm already feeling much better. I guess our little talk really helped. Thank you."  
  
A small smile appeared around the corner of John's lips. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Mon. I'll always be here for you."  
  
Monica gave him a thankful smile. "I know John. And believe me, I'm very grateful."  
  
John shrugged his shoulder. "Sure. Wanna do some lunch? Do you think you could make me feel better and eat a little?"  
  
Monica shook her head. "I'm not really hungry John, but I'll try to eat something."  
  
John smiled and for the first time since the whole ordeal happened, the smile reached his eyes. "That's my girl." He got up from the couch and took a phone book out of his cabinet. After selecting a Chinese restaurant he dialled up and ordered his food. He was told they would be there in about half an hour. John turned to Monica, her eyes closing. He gently smiled at her and put his hand on her hair. "They'll be here in half an hour."  
  
Monica nodded. "Do you think I can take a shower in the meantime?"  
  
"Do you think that's wise? I mean, are you allowed to shower with your stitches?"  
  
"They said I would be fine if I was being careful."  
  
"Okay then. There are some clean towels in the cabinet and I might have some strawberry smelling shampoo somewhere in the back of the closet under my sink."  
  
Monica stared at him, her eyes wide. "Strawberry John? I didn't picture you as a strawberry kind of guy."  
  
"I'm not." John could see in her eyes that she did clearly not believe him. "I'm really not Mon. That shampoo just made part of a stupid bet."  
  
Monica rolled her eyes. "That must have been some bet."  
  
John giggled. "You'd better believe it." Monica looked at him expectantly, but he shook his head. "I'm not gonna tell you, Mon."  
  
"Come on John, you can't stop now. If you say A, you have to say B."  
  
He kept shaking his head. "Nice try Mon, but I'm still not telling you."  
  
"Spoilsport."  
  
"I may be a spoilsport, but I still think a guy's gotta have his secrets."  
  
"Right John." Monica turned around and made her way to the stairs.   
  
John called her back. "Do you need a hand Mon?"  
  
"In your dreams John Doggett."  
  
John narrowed his eyes. "To get upstairs?"  
  
"Thanks, I'll be fine John." She slowly walked up the stairs, John looking at her until she had disappeared from his view. Monica thought a shower would do her good. She felt dirty. She felt like taking a shower every minute of the day. Although being tired, she wanted to scrub her entire body for an hour. She took some clean underwear out of her bag and found a clean towel in his cabinet. She opened the closet under the sink and in the back she found a bottle of strawberry shampoo. Next to it, she noticed a bottle of liquid peach soap. It wasn't the brand she was used too, but it would do. She undressed, threw her still clean clothes in a corner, not really caring were they landed and enjoyed the stream of warm water spreading over her body.   
  
Downstairs John had turned the television on and was channel surfing. If Monica would see him, she would probably point out that it was a typical male thing to do. And maybe it was, but John didn't care. He wanted to find a NASCAR race, but when he found none, he settled for a game of hockey instead. The Los Angeles Kings were playing a friendly game against some Russian team. LA was leading by 2-1 and John sank down in his couch, trying to enjoy the game and taking his mind off things. It was a very good game and he got caught up in the action, yelling at the referee. He almost jumped from the couch when the doorbell rang. He opened it, to find a young Chinese boy standing on the other side. "Your order, Sir. That'll be $16.90 please."  
  
John handed him a twenty-dollar bill. "Keep the change."  
  
"Thank you Sir. Enjoy lunch."  
  
The boy turned around and left, John closing the door behind him. He put the food on the table and called Monica. She didn't answer and he tried calling her again; still no answer. She was probably still in the shower and John walked up the stairs. He knocked on the door and could hear the water running. He tried calling for Monica, but she didn't answer. He opened the door a little and heard soft sobs over the water splashing down. He found her in the corner of the shower, huddled together. Her knees were pulled to her chest and she was violently shaking. He turned the now cold water off, picked her up and wrapped her in the towel. She was shaking in his arms and he tried rubbing her back and arms to warm her up. Her legs gave in and she fell in his arms. He quickly dried her off, carefully avoiding the stitches, some of which had re opened. He put her clothes on, carried her to the bedroom and put her under the covers. He picked up the phone and dialled Scully's number.  
  
After a couple of rings an out-of-breath Mulder picked up. "Mulder."  
  
"Mulder, it's John Doggett. I was looking for Dana."  
  
"She's here. I just came back from a run and she's putting William to bed. I guess she didn't hear the phone."  
  
"Can you get here please? It's pretty urgent. It's about Monica."  
  
Mulder paused on the other side of the phone. "Is she okay?"  
  
John swallowed hard. "I dunno."  
  
"I'll get Scully." John heard the receiver being put down and he could hear Mulder walking around. He heard voices and hurried footsteps. It took her a few seconds to answer.  
  
"John, what's wrong?"  
  
"I dunno. Do you think you could come over? I found Monica in the corner of the shower crying and shaking. Some of her stitches have re opened. She's still shaking and I dunno what to do. I can't get her to react."  
  
"She may be in late shock John. I'm on my way over. I'll be there soon. Try to keep her warm until I get there."  
  
"Thank you." John turned to Monica, only to find her violently shaking. Her eyes were open and she was staring at the opposite wall. John crawled in bed next to her and spooned her back against his front. She struggled a little, but soon she gave up. She felt cold, really cold. John hoped that sharing body heat would help raise her temperature. After a few minutes her shakes were subsiding and she was calming down. John was whispering soothing words into her hair. He moved a little so he could see her eyes and they were closing. It didn't take too long before he heard his front door open and Scully coming up the stairs. "I'm in here Dana."  
  
Scully appeared in the door, a worried look on her face. "How is she?"  
  
John gave her a weak smile. "I think she's falling asleep. Her shaking has subsided and she's much calmer than she was." John got up from the bed and made room for Scully. He looked at her. "Do you think she'll be okay?"  
  
Scully nodded. "She'll be fine John. It's not uncommon for victims to suffer from late shock."  
  
John lowered his shoulders, relieve evident in his features. "I'm glad. I'll leave you to it. I'll be outside if you need me."  
  
Scully smiled. "Thank you for taking such good care of her."  
  
"I'm glad she trusts me enough to do so."  
  
Scully's eyes widened. "Have you ever doubted that, John? She trusts you with her life, you should know that."  
  
John lowered his gaze to the floor. "I realised that. But how could I ever doubt it?"  
  
"John," Scully paused before continuing, "Every partnership goes through doubts. I guess you guys are beyond that stage now."  
  
John left the room and closed the door, leaving Scully in privacy to take care of Monica. A few minutes later she emerged. "John, she's asking for you."  
  
John entered the room and found a crying Monica on the bed. "What happened?"  
  
"Not much. I gave her a shot and she's delusional, which is normal. She thought you had left her. Just try to calm her down, will you? She's gonna sleep it out and she should be fine once she's awake."  
  
John nodded in understanding. "How are her wounds?"  
  
"Nothing too bad John. I put an antibiotic ointment on them and they'll heal fast." She turned around and left the room, pausing in the door. "Take good care of her, John."  
  
"I will, don't worry." John crawled in bed next to Monica and took her in his arms. She clutched to him.  
  
Scully looked at them, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "I know you'll take good care of her." She was sad about what had happened to Monica, but she was also glad that she had found someone to talk too, someone who would take care of her unconditionally. Victims of rapes or near-rapes always needed help from someone close to them, someone they trusted blindly. Scully knew there was a strong bond between them, but she never realised it was that strong. And she doubted they realised it either. "John?"  
  
He turned his head to her; Monica still clutched to him. "Something the matter?"  
  
"Has she eaten yet?"  
  
John shook his head. "No, she refuses to eat."  
  
"She'll feel much better when she wakes up, but make sure you get her to eat something. Make sure she eats enough in the next few days."  
  
"I will."  
  
Scully smiled sadly and left them. John heard the front door close and he lay down next to Monica. Instinctively she put her arms around his neck and crawled closer to him, if that was even possible.   
  
About five minutes later Monica's breathing had calmed and her eyes were closed. She was in a deep sleep and John got up from the bed, trying not to wake her. She stirred a little when he pulled away from her, her eyes fluttered open for a split second, but she closed them again straight away. John made his way down the stairs and took the Chinese food from the kitchen table and put it in the oven. He took a couple of trays out of the cupboard, took two plates and a couple of glasses. If Monica woke up, all he had to do was heat up the food. He sat down on the sofa and flipped through Channels, settling for Tweetie. That way he wouldn't have to think too hard. Since Monica had been attacked, he had a constant headache. He got up and took a bottle of Tylenol. He swallowed two pills and sat down on the couch again.   
  
Nearly an hour later he hears noises upstairs. He got up and found Monica walking around in the bedroom, rummaging through her bag. "What are you doing Mon?"  
  
She looked up from her bag and pulled out her toothbrush. "I gotta clean my teeth."  
  
John looked at her, surprise evident in his voice. "Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"I feel fine John. I can't remember what happened after I got in the shower, but I feel fine. What happened?"  
  
John took a step closer to her, helping her to her feet. "I found you out cold in the corner of the shower. You were shaking and crying. You were not responding so I called Scully. Apparently you were in a late shock, but she gave you something and it seems to have worked. You can't remember anything?"  
  
Monica shook her head in denial. "No. It's like I fell in some kind of black hole."  
  
"Must be an x-file," John joked. Monica had to smile at this, but John still missed the spark in her big brown eyes. "I'm glad you're better though. You were in pretty bad shape."  
  
Monica held her toothbrush in the air. "Do you mind John?"  
  
"Sure, go ahead. But you might wanna wait till after lunch. Do you think you can eat?"  
  
"Actually I'm kind of hungry, but..." She paused and scratched her chin, "I still wanna clean my teeth first. I've got something between them."  
  
"Okay. I'll just go down and put lunch in the oven. Wanna join me when you're finished?"  
  
Monica smiled gratefully. "Thank you John."  
  
John made his way to the oven and put the food in. Not five minutes later Monica emerged. "What are we having for lunch?"  
  
"Well, I ordered some fried rice with chicken and Chinese mushrooms with beef. What do you want?"  
  
Monica smiled shyly. "I actually like them both. "  
  
"How about sharing then?"  
  
"That's what I call a great idea." John put his finger in the air and waved his arm.  
  
"I have one of those every couple of years. "Monica giggled, her laugh going straight to John's heart. He took her hand and softly caressed her palm with his thumb. "It's great to see you smile again."  
  
She stood on her tiptoes and tenderly kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for everything John." He gave her a bright smile, his eyes shining. They looked at each other for a split second before John pulled her in his arms for a tight hug. They soon pulled apart, John laughing. Monica broke the contact and walked past him and made her way to the kitchen, kneeling down next to the oven. John gave her a questioning look.   
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Checking up on the food."  
  
John took her by the arm and walked her to the living room, where he gently pushed her down in the couch. "Just relax Mon and let me take care of everything."  
  
Monica sank down in the couch and watched John walk away to the kitchen. Since he had his back to her, he missed the loving look that crossed her features. Despite her horrible ordeal, her feelings for John were still there. They just were buried in the back of her heart for the moment. But sooner or later she knew she would need him in her life and not just as a partner, a colleague or a friend. But before she could let anything happen between them, they both had some healing to do.   
  
John appeared with a tray not five minutes later and put it down in her lap. Monica smiled at the diet coke he had taken for her to drink. "So you do remember?"  
  
John rolled his eyes. "Of course I remember. How could I forget the lecture you gave me about why you drink diet coke and not regular coke?"  
  
"Was I that bad?"  
  
John shook his head. "No, you were not that bad. Let's just say that I find you explanations," John paused, "memorable." He went back to the kitchen and came out with a second tray, sitting down on the couch next to Monica.  
  
Monica took a spoonful of the Chinese mushrooms and they turned out to be delicious. "This is quite good."  
  
John shook his head in approval. "Best Chinese restaurant in the city."  
  
"I can see why."  
  
Dinner was spent in a very comfortable silence. Monica was enjoying lunch, but she found herself quickly stuffed. She took a sip from her coke and put her tray on the coffee table. John looked at her. "You not hungry anymore?"  
  
"I'm full John."  
  
John eyed her tray. "You have barely eaten anything."  
  
"John, I'm sure my appetite will return to normal soon."  
  
"Mon, you should try to eat some more." John took a spoonful of his plate and looked at her. "Open you mouth Monica."  
  
Monica eyed him suspiciously. "You going to feed me, John?"  
  
John nodded. "If I have too."  
  
"I'm fine John. I don't think I can eat more."  
  
John looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "Just a little more." Monica shook her head. "Please?" She still kept her mouth shut. "Do it for me?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but Monica had heard him. She opened her mouth and a smiling John put the fork in her mouth. He took a couple more spoonfuls and was happy to see that Monica managed to eat a little more.  
  
"A girl could get used to this." John rolled his eyes and gave Monica a 10000-WATT smile. He put his hand on her cheek.  
  
"I would feed you every day if you asked me too." Monica blinked her eyes a couple of times and looked straight back at John, moisture appearing in the corner of her eyes.  
  
Before the tears had a chance to fall down, John wiped them away with his thumb. "Don't cry Monica."  
  
Monica sniffed and looked up at him with watery eyes. "How am I supposed not to cry when you say such nice things?"  
  
John's lips turned into a grin. "I dunno. How the heck am I supposed to know that the truth is gonna make you cry?"  
  
"Did you mean what you said John?"  
  
"Of course I meant it. If I had to, I would feed you every day."  
  
"Thank you John." Monica lowered her head to the floor and felt John's finger under her chin, only to look straight into deep blue eyes.  
  
"I meant it Monica."   
  
Monica nodded in understanding. "I know you did John and I appreciate it." Monica held her hand in front of her mouth and yawned. "Sorry."  
  
John motioned in the direction of the stairs with a knick of his head. "Why don't you take a nap?"  
  
"That might be a good idea."  
  
John got up from the couch and held his hand out to Monica. She eagerly took it and he smiled. "Come on, I don't want you to fall asleep in the middle of the stairs."  
  
"I'll be fine, John. But it's very nice of you to walk me upstairs."  
  
"I wouldn't have it any other way." They made their way to John's spare room. Monica lay down on the bed; John pulled the covers up and tenderly kissed her on the forehead. "Have sweet dreams Mon." He smiled at her before he turned on his heels and left the room.   
  
Once John was gone, Monica let out a sigh she had been holding. She realised that John Doggett was more than just a handful. They were growing much closer and she would never have thought it was possible. They were already close before she was attacked, but now John was showing her another side of him and if she was honest, she liked that side. He was tender, caring and protective. A small smile formed around Monica's lips. Her eyes started closing and it didn't take too long before she fell asleep.  
  
Downstairs, John was cleaning up from lunch and threw the leftovers in the bin. He took his keys and hurried out of his house. He needed to do some grocery shopping and he would be back before Monica woke up. The store was only a five-minute drive from his house and at this time of the day it wouldn't be crowded. John pulled his car from the driveway and left for the shop.  
  
Not even thirty minutes later he opened the door to his house, two bags in his hand. It was still quiet in his house, meaning that Monica was probably was still asleep. He opened his fridge and his cupboard and put the food away. Tonight he would make a hot turkey and cheese sandwich with mustard on top. He knew Monica loved them and that was reason enough for him to make them. He went to his living room, put one of his tapes in the video and plopped down on the couch. He put his feet lazily on the coffee table and leaned back against the couch, his arms behind his head. John smiled once the theme to Hunter started playing. He had been a fan of the show since the early years and he had taped the film they had shown recently. He had been so busy that he never had to chance to watch it. He relaxed and smiled even more at some sarcastic remark Hunter made. He had always liked that guy. Too bad cops like that were rare.  
  
It was almost seven when John pulled the tape of the latest Hunter episode out of his VCR. He had spent the better part of the afternoon catching up on his favourite series. He let out a sigh and plopped down on the couch again, his feet propped on the coffee table and the remote in his left hand. After some serious Channel surfing he settled for the news on CNN. He was listening to some idiotic report about the New York Stock Exchange and mumbled something to himself.  
  
"Didn't your mom teach you that talking to yourself is the beginning of the end?" He looked up to find Monica standing at the bottom of the stairs, a smile playing around the corner of her mouth.  
  
"And didn't your mom teach you that it is impolite to spy on people," John retorted, trying to hide a grin but failing miserably.  
  
"At least my mom taught me good manners." Monica waved her arm at his feet lying comfortably on the coffee table. "Is that the usual way you watch TV?"  
  
John shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "You forgot the popcorn and the empty cans of beer standing on the table."  
  
Monica sat down next to him and elbowed him in the ribs. "You are a pig, John Doggett."  
  
He raised his eyebrows at her. "But you gotta admit that I'm a cute pig."  
  
Monica rolled her eyes and grinned. "Aren't all pigs cute? They are one of my favourite animals. That's why I like you."  
  
"Well thank you very much for the compliment Ms. Reyes. You are way too good for this world and one of these days you kindness will be rewarded." The smile left his face and he looked at her more seriously. "How are you feeling Mon?"  
  
"Actually, I'm feeling quite good. I slept like a rose."  
  
"That's what I'd say. You were out all afternoon. I guess you were pretty tired."  
  
Monica nodded. "Yeah, I was. I barely slept last night. I kept thinking about what happened and what could have happened."  
  
John paused. "And what are you thinking now?"  
  
"That I was very lucky and I have to stop thinking about what could have happened. I mean if I don't stop doing that, I'll never be able to get on with my life." She smiled at him when he took her hand in his and intertwined their fingers. "Life's too short to think about the could have been."  
  
"That's true. And that's why I have a nice evening planned for you."  
  
Monica looked up at him, surprised. "What do you have in mind John?"  
  
"You just wait and see. I've got us a nice movie and some popcorn." Monica opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by John. "And yes Monica, I remember that you like it sweet. So no salt, but sugar."  
  
"What else do you have planned?"  
  
John held his finger in the air. "That's a surprise. Now, do you want something to drink?"  
  
"Water would be nice. But I can get it myself."  
  
"Just don't you worry about anything." John was leaning forward to get up from the couch, but Monica held him back with a hand on his chest.  
  
"I'll get it, John."  
  
John took her arm and held her back. "Just admit that you wanna go peaking into the kitchen to see what the surprise is."  
  
Monica grinned. "I think I'm busted."  
  
John got up from the couch and looked down at her, his blue eyes sparkling. "You certainly are."  
  
"That's what you get when your partner can read you like a book."  
  
"Yeah, but you are a very nice book Mon. Highly enjoyable from cover to cover." Monica blushed at his sudden outburst of honesty and she felt her heartbeat speeding up in her chest. She watched John make his way to the kitchen to return a minute later with two glasses of water. He sat down next to her and handed her glass.  
  
"Thanks." She nipped from her drink and looked at him sideways. "What have you been up to this afternoon?"  
  
John took a gulp from his glass and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Well, I've been catching up on some things I taped but didn't have the time to watch until now."  
  
Monica rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you watched the tapes that you found in Mulder's desk that aren't his."  
  
"Of course not. What I watched was far more educational."  
  
Monica held her hands up in defence. "Hey, no one said Mulder's tapes weren't educational. Maybe you could have learned a thing or two."  
  
"Yeah right. I caught up on some old series I used to watch. They made a couple of new movies and episodes and I found them highly enjoyable." A smile formed around Monica's mouth. "What?"  
  
"Nothing John, it's just that I find it hard to believe that we both think Rick Hunter is the perfect cop."  
  
John gazed at her with an open mouth. "How did you?"  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "I just knew. Been watching that show myself for ages. And you are right, it's too bad that it got cancelled again."  
  
John mumbled. "What I'd like to know is how you say what I wanna say even before I say it."  
  
Monica shook her head. "Can you say that again, John?"  
  
He took a deep breath and let out a puff of air. "How do you say what I say and.." He shook his head. "Okay, I give up. But you know what I wanted to ask you."  
  
"Yeah I do."  
  
"Why do you always make my life so complicated?"  
  
"Because, my dear John, I find it highly enjoyable to make you feel confused." She grinned at him and he gave her a warm smile back.   
  
They both put their glasses on the table at the same time and leaned back against the couch, John shyly putting his arm around Monica's shoulder. She leaned back against his arm and smiled at him. "So tell me John, why did you watch Hunter in the first place? Was it because of McCall?"  
  
John shook his head in denial. "No. I just thought that Hunter was such a cool cop and it seemed like he could get away with anything. Sure, I'm not blind, I noticed that McCall was cute, but that was not the main reason for watching that show. I saw the pilot and noticed that strong bond they had between them and I got curious. I wanted to know what would happen between them and before I realised it, I started watching. And before I knew it, I had all the episodes on tape."  
  
Monica opened her eyes wide. "You mean you have the entire series on tape?" John nodded. "How come you never told me about it?"  
  
"Because you never asked?" John offered. "Tell me why you watched that show. You must have been pretty young when it first aired."  
  
"Yeah, I was young. But I have always been a tomboy and I thought Hunter was so cool. Of course as a kid, I had the hots for him. I pictured myself as his partner."  
  
"Was that your reason for joining the Bureau?"  
  
"Of course not, but I always hoped I would have a partner like Hunter one day. I guess that dream came true."  
  
John smiled. "Do you really mean that?"  
  
"Of course I do. You're gentle, caring, protective and you are great to work with. Who would want a partner like Rick Hunter when you can have John Doggett." Monica smiled shyly at him and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. "I'm glad you are my partner John and I wouldn't want it any other way."  
  
John gave her a smile and took her hand in his. He placed a sweet kiss on the palm of her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "And who would want McCall as partner when I have you sitting next to me? I could easily return the compliment Mon. I'm glad you came to work on the x-files with me. Besides, who else would want to work with a lunatic like me? I'm glad you came to DC or else I would have been a very lonely man." 


	5. Matters of the Heart Part 5

Monica sighed and gave John a grateful smile. "Thank you John, that must be the nicest thing anyone ever said to me."  
  
"I could say the same about you." He gave her a last look before getting up from the couch and breaking the moment. "How about I make us some dinner before you go all mushy on me again?"  
  
Monica giggled softly. "Again? I'm not going mushy on you John and I certainly never have."  
  
"That's not what I heard."  
  
Monica got up and gave him a straight look. "What have you heard?" Suddenly she had a serious look on her face. "Who told you anything?"  
  
John just smiled, but didn't answer. Monica elbowed him in the ribs and he put in hand up in defence. "Hey, don't go slapping me. I'm just saying..."  
  
Monica interrupted him. "I'd like to know what you have heard."  
  
John smiled mysteriously, causing Monica to grin. He looked at her for a few seconds before he decided to put her out of her misery. "I got you going there for a second, didn't I?"  
  
Monica pouted. "Very funny ha ha." She looked at him. "I bet you were the joke of the class."  
  
John rolled his eyes. "I was a very good student for you information, thank you very much."  
  
"So you were the kiss-ass of the teacher." Monica grinned. "I should have known."  
  
John held his arms up in defence. "I didn't say that. I had to study very hard to achieve something, but I still managed. And I gotta say I was pretty proud of myself when I graduated."  
  
"I can imagine. But I still bet all the girls were coming on to you?"  
  
John gave her a mysterious smile. "Well, I couldn't complain. But I barely had time for a girlfriend, then one lost weekend on my studies made me feel very insecure. And not to talk about my complex."  
  
Monica pulled him down to sit down on the couch again and looked at him. "I find it very hard to believe that you had a complex."  
  
"I sure did. Can't you guess what my complex was?"  
  
Monica went silent for a few seconds. "Don't tell me it were your ears."  
  
"Yes, I was very well aware that my ears were a little big."  
  
"I hope you still don't feel that way."  
  
"Not really, but I still feel very insecure."  
  
Monica turned to face him and touched his ears. "I find them very cute."  
  
"You think my ears are." John paused, swallowed deeply and stared at her. "Cute?"  
  
"Is that so hard to believe?"  
  
"Yes. I mean no one ever used the work cute when talking about me."  
  
"That's their loss then. You're a cutie John."  
  
John smiled cheekily. "Why thank you very much my lady."  
  
"You're more than welcome Sir."  
  
"How about you then, Mon? What kind of student were you?" John waggled his eyebrows and Monica smiled. "I bet you were a teacher's nightmare." He shifted in the couch and waited for an answer. He put his elbows on his knees and leaned his head in his arms. "How about it Mon?"  
  
Monica just shrugged her shoulders. "I was the foremost perfect student." She turned her head and looked away from him. He looked at the back of her head and got up. She looked up at him.  
  
"I'm gonna make us dinner." She smiled gratefully and watched him walk to the kitchen. She was smiling to herself, before she picked up the remote and did some Channel surfing. She turned her head in the direction of the kitchen. "John?"  
  
He appeared in the doorway and looked at her expectantly. "Something the matter?"  
  
"Not really. I just can't seem to find Sci-fi."  
  
John shook his head. "Don't tell me to watch that?"  
  
"Yes I do. They have some very interesting programmes."  
  
"Let me make a wild guess here. You are glued to your TV screen on Friday night watching a certain sarcastic Colonel and his beautiful 2IC walk through a gate."  
  
"How the hell do you know all that?"  
  
From a distance she saw John's face turn red. "I might have watched that show every now and then."  
  
"For someone who watches it every now and then, you know an awful lot."  
  
"I swear I only saw it a couple of times. But I find O'Neill memorable."  
  
"Right John."  
  
"It's true."  
  
"But how did you know I was a fan?"  
  
John gave her a mischievous grin. "Scully told me."  
  
"I knew she wasn't to be trusted with my little secret."  
  
"But she said some other very interesting things."  
  
"What else did she say?"  
  
"I dunno if I should tell you Mon. I mean it's a very private matter."  
  
"John," Monica wined.   
  
"Okay okay, I'll tell you. But please stop wining." Monica smiled at him. "She said that she once watched the show when she had you over and you did more drooling than anything else."  
  
"Sure I did. She was the one who couldn't shut up about how she would love to be in the Air Force serving under such a CO." Monica shuddered."  
  
"So you don't think he's cute?"  
  
"I find it remotely plausible that someone might think he's hot."  
  
John shook his head and got up from the couch. "Okay." He turned around and walked away.  
  
"John?"  
  
He turned back to his partner and sighed. "Sci-Fi Channel is on number 40."  
  
"Thank you John." Like a kid who received his Christmas gift she took the remote and flipped to number 40. John shook his head and made his way over to the kitchen.   
  
Ten minutes later Monica smelled something very nice coming from the kitchen. He nostrils were filled by a wonderful smell she would know with her nose closed. She knew John would make her favourite dinner just to make her feel better. She was looking at her partner in a whole new light and she really liked that side of him. Back in the days she was going out with Brad, it had never been this good. She knew that she and John were just partners and friends, but she couldn't help but feeling that soon it would all change. She started to realise that with John she would find what she had been looking for all her life. Everything she always wanted had been right in front of her for the last 10 years.   
  
John appeared with a tray and she smiled warmly at him. "A hot turkey and cheese sandwich for Madam with a little mustard and a diet coke." He handed her they tray and bowed his head. She giggled at him. He went back in the kitchen and came back with another tray. He sat down next to her and she smiled at him.  
  
"Thank you John. How could you have known I was craving for a hot turkey sandwich?"  
  
John smiled, his lips pressed together. "Because Monica, you are always craving for a hot turkey sandwich. I even think that's why you came to DC, because they have the best hot turkey sandwiches in the whole US of A right across the street."  
  
"Darn, I'm busted. Let's eat." She took a mouthful of her sandwich and was surprised at how perfect it was; John had made it exactly the way she loved it. "This is delicious. Did you put some honey on the turkey?"  
  
"No Mon, a chef ever reveals his secrets."  
  
"Okay, I'm not gonna this discuss now. I just want to eat this delicious sandwich."  
  
John smiled at his partner and took a bite of his sandwich. It was not bad. While Monica had been sleeping he had called his mom and asked her how to make the sandwich even taste better. He mom had asked if it was for a special woman. He chuckled at the enquiry his mom had made. Monica looked at him.  
  
"What are you looking so smug about?"  
  
"Nothing. Just something my mom said on the phone earlier." The rest of dinner was spent in a companionable silence, Monica clearly enjoying her sandwich and John being just happy because his best friend hadn't lost her appetite. Once they were done John put the trays in the kitchen sink and sat down next to his partner. "What kind of movie do you wanna watch?"  
  
"I dunno, what have you got?"  
  
"Okay, I've got a feel good movie, a comedy, an action movie or Men in Black II."  
  
"Why don't we watch a feel-good movie?"  
  
"Okay, feel good it is.  
  
John got up from the couch and put the tape in the VCR. "Which movie is it?"  
  
He turned around and sat down next to her, his arms going around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. She laid her head on this chest. "Runaway Bride."  
  
Monica looked up at him and smiled. "I love that movie." John smiled back at her and their eyes locked. Anything else around them stopped existing.  
  
John was fighting an inner battle on weather to kiss her or not. His brain said no and his heart said yes. And like in most cases his heart won. As by their own accord their mouths approached. They were merely and inch or two away from each other when the phone started ringing. John was about to close his mouth over Monica's but he was pulled out of his haze. His eyes opened again; Her eyes were still closed and John could feel her breath on his lips. He gently touched her cheek with his finger and gave her apologetically smile. He got up from the couch and picked up the receiver. "Doggett." He listened and paused. "Yeah, she's here." He held his hand over the mouthpiece and turned to face Monica. "Scully want to see how you're doing." She got up from the couch and he handed her the receiver.   
  
"Hi Dana." Monica smiled into the phone. "Yes Dana, I'm feeling okay." She smiled at John and he sat down on the couch again. "Yes I have been eating." She raised her eyebrows at John. "John has been taking very good care of me." Monica was playing with the wire of the receiver. "Thank you for calling Dana and see you soon. Bye." She put the receiver down and sank down in the couch next to John.  
  
"What did Scully want?"  
  
"She wanted to know if you were taking good care of me." Monica was fidgeting with her big silver ring, John's closeness making her slightly nervous.   
  
"Have I?" John took her hand to stop her from fidgeting and she gave him a small smile. She turned her hand until their palms were touching and linked her fingers through his.  
  
"Of course you have been taking very good care of me. You're the best nurse I could possibly have." She smiled thankfully and sank further down in the couch. John took the remote with his free hand and pressed play. The credits started playing and Monica put her head on John's shoulder, wearing a dreamy look on her face.  
  
Almost two hours later she was soundly asleep on his shoulder, her breath calm and even. John stopped the movie and re-winded the tape. He gently touched the outlines of her face with his index finger and she stirred. "Time to go to bed, sleepyhead."  
  
Monica mumbled. "Movie over yet?"  
  
John smiled. "Of course it's over. You slept right through it."  
  
Monica yawned. "Sorry about that." She looked at their still linked hands.  
  
"Come on, let's go to bed." John got up and pulled her to her feet. Hand in hand they slowly made their way upstairs. Monica made a grimace every time she took a stair, but she didn't complain. "You wanna take a shower first Mon?"  
  
Monica shook her head. "I'll be fine John. I took one earlier and look what happened then. All I want to do is get in bed and sleep for days."  
  
John nodded and opened the door to her bedroom. He pulled the cover up and she slid it gratefully. She pulled the covers up till under her chin and John put his hand on her forehead. "If you need anything, just yell. I'm right next door."  
  
"Thank you John. I don't know what I would do without you." She yawned, her eyes already starting to close. John kissed the top of her head, got up and switched the lights off. "Can you leave the door open John?"  
  
"Sure." He made his way to the bathroom and a strange feeling went through his body. Monica was being too cheerful. For someone who could have been killed she seemed to be doing too well. He was happy about it, but she could very well be putting up a facade. He also knew that he had to do something about the feeling that went through his body and soul every time she looked back at him. But it was neither the time nor the place. All he needed to do right now was be there for her when she needed him.   
  
He turned the warm water on and got in, enjoying the sensation of the water releasing his tensed muscles. He got out, dried off and put on his usual clothes for bed: A boxer and an old, way too big shirt. He got in his room and made himself comfortable in bed.  
  
It was nearly one o'clock in the morning, but John still couldn't sleep. He was tossing and turning in bed trying to find the right position. He found none. Something didn't feel right in Monica's story. He was having doubts on weather she told him everything. He knew she hadn't been raped, but he was wondering if she hadn't been forced to do other things. Maybe she had been raped, but in another sense of the word. Still, there was nothing he could do about it; He had to let Monica come to terms with it. While he was thinking about it, he found sleep drifting further and further away.  
  
At 3.30 he heard noises coming from the stairs. He got out of bed and walked down to find Monica sitting on the couch, on the verge of breaking down. John got to her and sat down next to her. "What's wrong Mon?"  
  
She sniffed. "I don't know John. I'm scared to close my eyes."  
  
John looked at her, worry creeping into his features. "Why Mon? Is there anything I can do for you?"  
  
Monica sighed and tried the best she could to control her emotions. "Every time I close my eyes I see a black face in front of me. Then I try to listen to the calmness of the night, but I start hearing sounds coming from everywhere."  
  
John pulled her to him. "There's no need to be scared. I'm here for you Mon."  
  
"I know John and I'm very grateful. But it still doesn't stop me from being scared." She was still softly sobbing and she was having trouble speaking with the bruises that were now very apparent around the corners of her mouth.   
  
"Monica, I want to ask you something. And I want you to be as truthful as you can." John paused. "I know the police asked you the same thing, but did you actually see the guy that did this to you?"  
  
Monica swallowed hard. "He was wearing a ski mask John, but I could see the shape of his face and I saw his eyes. It's just that I can't remember what I saw and it makes me sick. He can do it again and I wouldn't know it was him."  
  
John nodded in understanding. "I know Mon, but he won't hurt you anymore. I won't let him do that to you again. I'll stand by your side and together we'll get through this."  
  
"Thank you John, but I can't help but think that I need to get on with my life."  
  
John nodded in approval. "Yes you should Mon, but you can't expect to pick up where you left up twenty four hours later after something like that happened to you. Give yourself some time and before you'll know it, you'll have your own life back. And in the meantime you can stay here as long as you want."  
  
Monica smiled gratefully. "Thank you."  
  
"No worries Mon. Ya think you'll be able to go back to bed now?" Monica nodded and they made their way upstairs. At the top of the stairs Monica turned her head to look at John.  
  
"Hold me tonight John?"  
  
"Are you sure about that Monica? I mean, I don't want your demons to come back and haunt you because of me."  
  
Monica nodded. "I want you to stay with me John and hold me."  
  
John smiled and he made his way to his bedroom. He pulled the covers up and Monica slid in next to him, her arms going around his back. John lay down on his back, Monica's head going on his chest. He gently touched her hair and put his arms around her waist. John smiled at Monica and it didn't take too long or her felt her breathing slowing down. He also felt better now that he knew that Monica was safe and it didn't take too long or they were both asleep. They didn't wake until the next morning.  
  
It was nearly ten when John opened his eyes. Monica was still lying comfortably on his chest, her eyes still closed and her breathing slow. He tried to pull away without waking her, but decided to stay in bed a little longer, enjoying the sensation of Monica lying in the same bed as him. He watched her sleep, her face as beautiful as ever. He bruises were already turning from blue to pink, the ointment she had to put on clearly helping. She was softly snoring and he smiled at her calm and peace.   
  
About half an hour later John crawled out of bed, showered and dressed, checking up on Monica before going downstairs. She was still sound asleep and John walked down. He yawned; the lack of sleep from the two previous nights started to catch up with him. He took a pan out of the cabinet and started making scrambled eggs. Not even ten minutes later Monica appeared in the doorway, wearing a large shirt and track pants. "Good morning John."  
  
John looked up at her and smiled. "Mon. How was your night?"  
  
"Very restful. I slept like a baby. You're a very good pillow John."  
  
"Geez, thanks Mon. I was just about to call you. Breakfast or should I say brunch is ready. I hope you liked scrambled eggs."   
  
Monica eyed everything he had made. Scrambled eggs, toast, sausage and of course coffee. She wasn't really hungry, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings after all the trouble he had been through making her a nice breakfast. She had never been much of an eater in the morning." If made correctly I like them."  
  
"Are you putting my cooking skills in question?"  
  
"I wouldn't dare to John."  
  
"Good."   
  
They both sat down at the kitchen table and Monica did an effort to eat as much as possible. John's eggs were delicious, but how hard she tried, she couldn't eat much. John eyed her. "You not hungry Mon?"  
  
"To be honest with you John, I've never been much of an eater in the morning."  
  
"You know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day."  
  
Monica nodded and played with her fork. "Yeah, Scully already said so much."  
  
They finished eating in silence, John putting the dirty plates in the sink and making his way to the living room, where Monica was already flipping through channels. He looked at her with a smile on his face. She gave him a questioning look. "What?"  
  
John chuckled. "I thought Channel surfing was a typical male thing to do."  
  
"It is John, but I can't find a darn Channel on this TV."  
  
"Sure you can't Mon."  
  
"You'd better believe it." He sat down next to her and leaned back in the couch, his hands behind his head.  
  
"What do you wanna do today? Wanna go some place, do something?"  
  
"How about staying here and watch a movie?"  
  
"Sure. Anything you wanna watch?" He looked at her expectantly, but she didn't answer. "Mon, what kind of movie do you wanna see?"  
  
"It's your pick John."  
  
"Okay. How about I go to Blockbusters and get us a couple of movies."  
  
"Sounds like a plan to me." She watched him as he got up.   
  
"Wanna come along or do you wanna stay here?"  
  
She stretched out and leaned back in the couch. "It'd rather stay here if it's all the same to you."  
  
"No problem. I'll be back before you know it." He took his car keys, his jacket and headed out. Monica watched him go and picked up the remote.   
  
Almost two hours later John was still out. She had tried calling his cell phone but all she got was his mailbox. She was about to pick up the phone to call him again when it started ringing. She picked up after the first ring. "Monica Reyes."  
  
"Agent Reyes, it's Skinner."  
  
"Sir." Monica paused. "Something the matter?" She could hear Skinner swallow on the other side of the phone and immediately knew something was wrong. "Is it John?"  
  
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but he has been shot."  
  
Monica couldn't believe her ears. How could John have been shot? He was just going to Blockbusters...or was he? "Sir?"  
  
Skinner paused on the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry Agent Reyes. I just got a call from the George Washington Hospital. They called in a couple of minutes ago. They found his FBI badge in his wallet and they called me." Skinner took another pause. "Agent Reyes, are you okay?"  
  
Monica swallowed. "I don't know Sir. I'm having a hard time believing this." Monica was on the verge of tears, not wanting to break down in front of her boss. "How is he?"  
  
"I don't know. They didn't tell me anything over the phone. Scully is on her way to pick you up. She should be there shortly. I'll see the two of you at hospital."  
  
"Yes Sir." Monica disconnected the phone and sank down in the couch, staring in front of her. Maybe there was so kind of mistake. Maybe it wasn't John who had been shot. Monica put her arms on her knees and leaned her head in her hands. Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face and her sobs were uncontrollable. Minutes later she heard a soft knock on the door. She got up and tried to wipe her tears away with the back of her hand. She opened the door and looked straight at a very worried Scully and an anxious Mulder. Scully lay a comforting hand on her arm and Mulder did the same on her shoulder, letting her know that whatever happened, they were there for her. "Monica, I'm sorry."  
  
Monica sniffed. "Not...your...fault."  
  
"Will you be okay?" Scully offered her a compassionate look. "Let's go to hospital." Monica nodded her head and climbed in the car, Mulder behind the wheel and Scully next to him. He carefully pulled out of the driveway and took Scully's hand in his, keeping a close eye on Monica in his rear view mirror.   
  
The drive to hospital was the worst and longest in Monica's life. She stared out of the window, trying to avoid Mulder's comforting look in the mirror. Her tears had slowed to a trickle, but her heartbeat was two times its usual beat. Mulder parked the car and mechanically Monica got out of the car, closely followed by Mulder and Scully. They opened the door to the emergency room and were greeted by Skinner. "Agents." Monica accustomed him with a small nod from the head.  
  
"Have you got any news on John?"  
  
Skinner shook his head. "I'm sorry Agent Reyes, but they won't tell me anything."  
  
"Maybe they will tell me." Scully held her back with a hand on her arm.  
  
"They won't tell you anything either. I'll go and talk to them. Tell them that I'm John's doctor." Mulder gave her hand a gentle squeeze and all three of them watched her go.   
  
Monica felt a hand at the small of her back and turned around to look at Skinner. "Why don't you go and sit down Agent Reyes."  
  
Monica shook her head stubbornly. "I'll be fine Sir." She turned to Mulder and he eyed the waiting room with his eyes. The silent communication between them was enough.   
  
Nearly five minutes later Scully appeared. She was trying to fight back her tears, failing miserably. She looked at Monica. "I'm sorry Monica, but there was nothing they could do. He..." Mulder pulled her in his arms, while Skinner laid a gentle hand on Monica's arm.  
  
"I'm sorry Agent Reyes. If there's anything I can do." He didn't speak further; he just let her cry, afraid to touch her. Scully pulled away from Mulder and kneeled down in front of Monica, her hands on Monica's knees.  
  
"Monica, I'm really sorry."  
  
She looked up at her, her eyes red from crying, her lip slightly shaking. "How did it happen?"  
  
Scully took Monica's hand in hers. "A shot in his heart. He didn't stand a chance. I'm sorry..."  
  
"Can I see him?" Monica paused. "I just want to see him."  
  
"I don't know if that's a wise idea Monica. Besides, I don't think they'll allow you to see him. They didn't let me in either."  
  
Monica let put her head between her knees and let out a soft moan. "I just wanna see him."  
  
Scully sat down next to her and laid her hand on her back. "I know you do, but you can't."  
  
Skinner sat nervously in his chair and he eyed Scully. "Will she be okay?"  
  
"I don't think so. She's going to need a lot of help. And the person she needs help from is not here anymore." A lonely tear escaped Scully's eye. "Sir, if we don't do anything, we will not only have lost John, but we will lose her too."  
  
Skinner nodded in understanding. "Why don't you get her home, take care of her?"  
  
"We'll take her home with us," Mulder interrupted them. "I don't think it's wise for her to be alone, let alone at her place. And that's not to speak about John's place."  
  
The four of them got up and left the waiting room. Scully had an arm around Monica and slowly they made their way outside. They were almost run over by someone who came running inside. He ran against Monica and she stumbled backwards, falling on the floor. "I'm sorry...Mon?"  
  
Monica looked up from the floor, staring straight into John's worried blue eyes. "John?" She didn't care where they were or who was watching, she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him as close to her as she could. John returned her embrace and they held on to each other tightly while they were both crying.  
  
Skinner looked at Mulder and Scully, both staring at Monica and John on the floor. "Could someone tell me what is going on here?" Scully put her hands in the air and Mulder shook his head. "Well Skinman, it looks like John is not dead."  
  
Skinner gave Mulder an angry look. "Mulder, now many times have I told you not to call me Skinman?"  
  
Mulder grinned. "Sorry Sir, I couldn't help it."  
  
Skinner groaned. "The name is Walter, Mulder. W-A-L-T-E-R. I'm not your boss anymore."  
  
Mulder's grin turned even wider and Scully elbowed him in the ribs. "Stop doing that Mulder."  
  
"Sorry." He looked at Skinner. "Walter, I think there is something funny going on here."  
  
Skinner crouched down on the floor next to Monica and John and touched John's arm. He looked up and Skinner and released Monica. He helped her to her feet, wiped his eyes dry with his sleeve and put an arm around her shoulder to steady her. She was still shaking. "Sorry Sir."  
  
Skinner laid a firm hand on his shoulder. "You're looking very healthy for a dead man."  
  
"Sir?" John shook his head in confusion, clearly not understanding what was going on. "What is going on here?"  
  
"I received a call from this very hospital that you had been shot. When we came here you were already dead."  
  
John looked at Monica and she pushed him away. "Why didn't you call me?"  
  
"Call you? Why don't you tell me what is going on?"  
  
"I think Skinner already told you what is going on. Why the hell did it take you more than two hours to get back from the video store?"  
  
John's face turned red and he smiled sheepishly. "My SUV got stolen at the video store."  
  
Monica stamped her foot on the floor. "And?"  
  
John sighed. "I called the police from inside, because the battery to my cell phone was empty. They arrived 30 minutes later, I made my statement and they were about to leave when they received a call that my SUV had been found. They drove me to my SUV and it seemed fine. And then I found a note stuck under my wipers."  
  
Skinner turned to look at John. "What did it say?"  
  
"Actually not much. It just said: 'This is only the beginning'. I have no idea what to make of it. The police took the note, I had to go to the station with them for some more paperwork and after nearly an hour I was finally allowed to go home." He turned to look at Monica. "That's why it took me so long."  
  
"I tried to call John, but you didn't pick up. I was worried sick."   
  
John pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry Mon." He kissed the top of her head, causing Skinner to raise an eyebrow. He looked at Scully and she shrugged her shoulders. Mulder had a huge grin on his face.  
  
Monica took a step back from him. "How did you end up in hospital?"  
  
John took a deep breath of air. "Well, I drove home and you weren't there. I was really worried about you. I thought you were asleep. I looked for a note but found none. And then I received a phone call from this hospital saying that someone shot you."  
  
Skinner's eyes opened wide. "This is really worrying me, Agents."  
  
John shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it's just a practical joke, Sir."  
  
"I don't think so. They called me from here and they identified you with you badge."  
  
"That can't be Sir. My badge is in my SUV."  
  
"Agent Doggett, are you sure it's in there?"  
  
John nodded his head. "I'm sure it's in there."  
  
Scully put a hand on John's arm. "Can we see it John?"  
  
"Sure." He took Monica's hand in his and they walked to John's SUV. Skinner noticed the strong bond between his two favourite agents, but he said nothing. He just turned a blind eye on. He had always knows that they were close and as long as it didn't interfere with their work, he would act as if nothing was going on.  
  
They reached John's SUV and he opened the passenger door, rummaging through the glove compartment. He looked at Skinner. "Sir, my badge is gone."  
  
Skinner nodded and walked to the front of the SUV. "Does anyone have a towel or a latex glove or something?"  
  
Scully stood next to Skinner. "I have a glove in the car. I'll get it." Scully walked off to Mulder's car and pulled a pair of latex gloves out of the trunk. John turned to look at Skinner.  
  
"What is it, sir?"  
  
Skinner shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know yet John, but I think there might be another note."  
  
John walked over to where Skinner was standing, pulling Monica along with him. Scully arrived with the latex glove and carefully removed the note. She opened it and her eyes turned wide. She read aloud. "Dear John. What happened today is only the beginning. Stay away from Monica or I'll hurt her even more than two nights ago. And you have been warned." 


	6. Matters of the Heart Part 6

John stood there motionless, his body language telling Skinner that he was surprised. John shuddered and turned to look at his partner. She was staring right in front of her, barely registering what was really going on. She felt John's hand on her shoulder and turned her head to look at him. "John?"  
  
He shook his head. "I dunno Mon." He looked at Skinner. "Sir?"  
  
Skinner turned his head to Scully and nodded. "Can you take that note back to the Bureau and give it to Chris?" Scully nodded and followed by Mulder she walked to the car, while putting the note in an evidence bag. Skinner eyed John and Monica. John looked as certain as ever, but Monica seemed a little baffled. Their eyes were holding a silent conversation. "John?"  
  
John turned back to Skinner, noticing the older man had a worried look on his face. "Sir, whatever happens, I don't want this to take over our lives."  
  
He nodded his head in understanding. "I know how you feel John, but you know as well as I do that you need to be very careful here. Someone is not only going after Monica, but after you as well. And as it turns out, this has all been planned in detail. Didn't you notice someone following you before?"  
  
John raised his shoulders. "I don't know about Monica, but I didn't notice anything." He nudged Monica in her side. "Mon?"  
  
She looked up at him. "What?"  
  
"Have you noticed someone following us?"  
  
"No, not that I know off." She suddenly looked very worried. "John, who knows how long this has been going on."  
  
He took her hand and gave it a gently squeeze, a natural sign of affection that didn't go unnoticed by Skinner. "I know Mon." John turned to look at Skinner, their boss suddenly looking then years older. "What do we do now Sir?"  
  
"I want you two to be very careful. Stay together at all times. Never leave the house without your guns."  
  
John nodded. "Shouldn't we be going over our cases and see who's out for revenge?"  
  
"I don't want you to worry over anything. Just stay home and try to relax." John raised his eyebrows. "I know it's much to ask at a time like this, but leave everything to us. We'll get this bastard, I promise." John silently thanked his boss and shook his hand.  
  
"Thank you Sir."  
  
"I'll have a twenty four hour watch at your house ready by the time you get there."  
  
"Is that really necessary Sir?"  
  
"No discussions John. That's the way we do it for everyone. The fact that you are FBI agents doesn't change a thing." Skinner looked at Monica and motioned to her with his head. "Go home and take care of her."  
  
"Yes Sir." John watched Skinner leave and turned to face Monica; She was looking down. He put a finger under her chin, but she was avoiding his gaze. "Why don't we get home Mon?" He heard Monica mumble something. He opened her door and she slid in the seat, defeat becoming apparent in her features. John started the car and drove off.  
  
By the time they arrived to Falls Church two agents were already sitting outside in a car. John pulled in his driveway, silently eyeing Monica. She had been quiet all the way from the hospital and he was getting slightly worried about her. When he stopped the car she made no move to get out. John put his hand on her arm. "Mon? We're there."  
  
She turned to look at him. "Huh?"  
  
"You can get out now, we're home."  
  
She looked at her surroundings and shook her head. "I guess we are." She got out of the car and walked to the front door, John following closely behind, his hand resting lightly on the small of her back. He opened the door and Monica got in. John sighed and followed her to the living room. She sat down on the couch, took the remote and flipped through Channels. John silently watched how she became agitated and threw the remote in the couch. She looked at John. "Sorry."  
  
"Welcome back Mon."  
  
"I didn't know I was gone."  
  
John gave her a small smile. "You weren't really gone. You weren't being yourself for the last hour."  
  
"Does that surprise you?" Monica raised her voice.  
  
John held his hands up in defence. "Hey, I'm the good guy remember."  
  
"Sorry. It's just that I feel really useless. I want to do something about this."  
  
"I know how you feel Monica, but Skinner is probably right. Let the other agents handle it. We are too close to be objective here."  
  
She let out a puff of air. "You're right, like you're always right." She turned to him, looking straight into his blue eyes. "Doesn't that bother you?"  
  
John's eyes gave her a questioning look. "What?"  
  
"That you're always right when it really matters."  
  
"Well," John paused, "I'm not always right. I'm just," Another pause followed. "Being objective."  
  
"Sometimes I wish I could be as objective as you when it concerns a private matter."  
  
John turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Never mind John. I'm being confused here."  
  
John let the subject drop. "Okay. So... What do you feel like doing?"  
  
"I wouldn't mind watching the movies you got us."  
  
John smiled sheepishly. "Can you actually believe I forgot them at the Police Station?"  
  
Monica's lips curled into a grin. "You're kidding me, right?"  
  
"'Fraid not."  
  
She shook her head in disapproval. "John John John. What am I going to do with you?"  
  
He smiled at her and got up when the phone started ringing. "Doggett." He paused. "Hello?" He looked at Monica and shook his head. "Hello?" He put the phone in the hook and shrugged his shoulders. "Probably a wrong number."  
  
"Yeah probably." He sat down next to her again and pulled her to him. She gratefully returned his embrace. "I'm glad you're okay Mon."  
  
"Yeah, me too. You don't know how it made me feel when Scully told me you were dead." Monica was being overwhelmed by sadness.   
  
"I'm sorry Mon." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Hey, I've got an idea."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"How about I get my old tapes of Hunter and we watch some of our favourite episodes?"  
  
"That's actually a great idea."  
  
He got up from the couch. "I'll be right back." Monica watched him leave to return a couple of minutes later with a box filled with tapes. She whistled.  
  
"My my, you have got an amazing collection."  
  
"What do you wanna watch?"  
  
"Whatever John."  
  
John put a tape in the VCR and sat down next to Monica. The episode started and soon they found themselves engrossed in the very first episode of Hunter. They occasionally laughed and in the middle of the tape John put his arm around Monica's shoulder and she leaned back into him, smiling thankfully.  
  
They spend a quiet afternoon in front of the TV. Monica fell asleep on more occasions than one and yawned when John softly nudged her in the ribs. "You want something to eat Mon?"  
  
"Nah, I'm fine John." She smiled at him and he winked at her.  
  
"You gotta eat Mon."  
  
"Okay. Why don't I make us a sandwich?" She got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, John keeping an eye on her. She took some bread and peanut butter. "Is peanut butter okay for you John?"  
  
He answered from the living room. "Sure Mon. whatever you're in the mood for."  
  
"Peanut it is then." She made them a couple of sandwiches and when she was nearly ready, she rather felt than heard John coming up behind her. He encircled her waist and she put her hands on his and leaned back into his embrace. "A girl could get used to this." She turned around and put her hands around his neck, pulling him even closer to her. They stayed like that for a few minutes.   
  
John looked out of his window over her head and his eyes creased in worry. He got out of the embrace and looked at her. "Stay here Mon."  
  
Monica looked confused. "What is it John?"  
  
"Maybe nothing, but I think I saw someone in my backyard." He took his gun and turned to Monica. "Just go and get our colleagues outside, will you?"  
  
"Be careful."  
  
John opened his backdoor and Monica made her way to the two FBI agents outside. By the time they got in the backyard John was already coming towards them. He held his arms in the air. "Maybe I was wrong, or maybe he's gone."  
  
One of them spoke. "We'll just take a look to be certain."  
  
They went to the back of the yard, looking in the bushes. Suddenly they came to a halt. "Agent Doggett?"  
  
John walked to where they were standing, their heads pointing at a tree. Monica followed closely behind, her mouth wide open at the discovery. "This can be true." She turned to John. "Tell me this is a bad dream."  
  
"I'm afraid not Mon." John sighed and turned to look at his partner, who looked scared and angry at the same time. "But who ever did this, needs to be caught as soon as possible. He's not only dangerous, but he's also very much obsessed. And I have a feeling that we won't find this guy looking through some old cases."   
  
"I think you might be right again John. And this time I'd rather have you wouldn't be right."  
  
Four heads turned to look at yet another note stuck neatly on a tree, accompanied by a picture of John and Monica in a tight embrace at the beach not that long ago. The picture had been ripped in two and taped together again. And then the words that made both John and Monica's eyes ring: "She's mine. If I can't have her, no one else can."  
  
Monica turned her head to look at John and she slumped her shoulders in defeat. John laid a comforting hand on her arm. "We'll get this guy."  
  
Monica's body turned rigid, her eyes portraying what her heart felt: fear. "How are we ever gonna find this guy if we don't even know where to start?"  
  
John offered her a reassuring look. "He'll make a mistake sooner or later."  
  
Monica looked worried. "What if it's already too late when he makes a mistake?"  
  
John stood next to her and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."  
  
Monica smiled thankfully, her tensed shoulders slightly relaxing. "I know you'll do everything you can to protect me." She looked him deeply in the eyes. "I don't want you to forget to protect yourself."  
  
"I won't Mon." He gave her a reassuring look and turned to the two FBI agents, who had put the not in an evidence bag. "Do you want us to call Skinner?"  
  
One of them shook his head. "We'll take care of everything Agent Doggett. We're off duty in little over an hour. We'll take the note back to the Bureau and I'm sure Chris will contact you as soon as he finds something."  
  
John nodded. "Thank you." They turned around and left the garden. John went to Monica and led her back inside, his hand lightly resting on her elbow. He locked the backdoor behind him and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. He took her hand in his and put a stray of hair behind her ear. "You gonna be okay Mon?"  
  
She sighed and took his other hand. ""I'll be fine John. But thank you."  
  
His lips curled into a smile. "Ya sure?"  
  
"Yes John, I'll be fine. I guess I'm just..." She shrugged. "A little scared."  
  
John was a little surprised by her admission and smiled. He squeezed her hand, got up and pulled her to her feet. He laid his hand on her cheek and played with a lock of hair. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and pulled her into a tight embrace. Monica put her head in the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent, obviously relaxing in his arms. They stayed like that for a few minutes, gently swaying from side to side. They pulled away from each other, a small smile playing around Monica's lips. "Thank you John."  
  
He gave her hand a last squeeze and took a step back, putting a safe distance between them. "How about trying to eat something?"  
  
"I'm not really hungry."  
  
"Please Mon, try to eat something." He looked at her with puppy dog eyes, a lump forming in Monica's throat. She nodded and watched John walking into the kitchen, to appear seconds later with a plate filled with sandwiches. "Peanut butter Mon."  
  
"I know John, I made them."  
  
He took a bite of his sandwich and opened his eyes wide. "And you did a damn good job!"  
  
Monica grinned, took a sandwich and sat down next to John, their legs touching. "You're nuts John Doggett."  
  
John shook his head in approval and grinned widely. "Yeah, but it's a good kind of nuts."  
  
Monica couldn't agree more. "It is John."  
  
They ate in silence; Monica munched on her sandwich, not really tasting what she was eating. John was staring in front of him, thinking about how they should handle things from now on. Once they were finished eating, John put the plate in the sink and ran some water. Monica soon joined him and between the two of them the dishes were done in less than five minutes. They went back to the living room and were about to sit down when the doorbell rang. John took a look through the peephole, Monica standing just behind him. He saw no one and opened the door ajar, noticing a wrapped box standing on the porch. He found boxes every now and then in front of his door, his neighbours taking his packages for him. Not really thinking about the danger he and Monica were in, he opened the door further and when he kneeled down to pick the package up, he heard a shot. A soft sound behind him pulled him out of his shock and he turned around to find Monica leaning against the doorframe; Her face was as white as snow and she was holding her left arm, he teeth clenched. "Monica!"  
  
John almost jumped to his partner, his eyes wide and scared. He heard screams coming from across the street, barely interested in what was going on. John only had eyes for Monica, who seemed to be in pain, softly moaning. Across the street the two FBI agents were running in the gardens, their guns drawn.  
  
"John..." Monica's voice sounded weak and scared, John's arm coming around her side to support her.   
  
"Mon..." John sniffed and tears were starting to trickle down his face.   
  
Monica's eyes became unfocussed, everything in front of her turning into a blur. "I..." Before she had time to register what was going on, everything turned black and if it hadn't been for John, she would have fallen to the floor like a puddle. John scooped Monica in his arms, ran to his car and gently put her down in the back. He started his car and drove off with screeching tires.   
  
After ignoring a couple of red lights and almost running a few other cars of the road, John arrived at George Washington only a couple of minutes later. He pulled up in front of emergency and two nurses came running out with a stretcher; John had called them from his car, saying that it was an important and urgent FBI matter and that the safety of the country depended on it. He picked Monica up and laid her down on the stretcher. The sleeve of her shirt was soaked with blood and they rolled the stretcher away, John running behind them. He was about to enter the ER with her, but another nurse held him back. "Are you her husband?"  
  
John didn't know what to say and hoping that he would be allowed to go in with her, he said yes. His tears were coming in a cascade, soaking the collar of his shirt. The nurse put a comforting hand on his arm. "You can't go in with her, but as soon as I find out what's wrong with her, I'll let you know." She accompanied him to the waiting room, where he slumped down in his seat. The nurse gave him a comforting look. "Is there anyone we should call?"  
  
He swallowed until he found his voice again. "Could you call AD Skinner at the FBI and let him in on what's going on?"  
  
"Sure. What's your wife's name?"  
  
"Monica Reyes."  
  
"Alright Mister.."  
  
"Doggett."  
  
"I'll call him and tell him everything. Is there anything I can get you? A coffee or the maybe?" She offered him a sympathetic look.  
  
"I'm fine, but thank you." She nodded and walked back to the nurses' station where she picked up the phone and called Skinner.   
  
Twenty minutes later John was fidgeting in his seat, his head leaning in his hands and his shoulder softly shaking. He felt a gentle hand on his back and he looked up in Scully's compassionate eyes. "Are you okay John?"  
  
He shook his head. "Yeah. Did Skinner call you?"  
  
"Yes, I came here as soon as I could. He should be here soon."  
  
He looked as scared as hell and let out a puff of air. "I told her I wouldn't let anything happen to her. The words had barely left my mouth when she got shot."  
  
Scully put a hand on his arm. "It's not your fault John. It's no one's fault. Who would have thought we were dealing with such a maniac?"  
  
Skinner walked into the room and looked at both of them, sitting down next to John. The older man gave John a worried look. "What happened John?"  
  
John swallowed hard. "I dunno Sir. It's a blur really. I can't even remember how I got here."  
  
"She'll be fine John." Skinner put his hands in his laps and leaned forward. He turned his head sideways to look at John. "Did you see anyone when the shot got fired?"  
  
"No one Sir. I mean, I opened the door to get a package on my porch and the shot got fired just as I leaned down to pick it up." He paused. "I should have been more careful."  
  
Scully stared at her hands and took one of John's in hers and gave it a squeeze. "Don't blame yourself John. How were you supposed to know what would happen?"  
  
"Dana," He paused to look at Scully. "With all the threats we have already received I should have been more careful. There's no one to blame but me."  
  
Skinner looked at him. "Scully is right John, it's not your fault. But this case is far more serious than we thought."  
  
John went quiet. "I know Sir."  
  
Nearly an hour later a doctor walked in the room, John jumping up from his chair. "How is she doctor?"  
  
The doctor smiled. "She's doing fine. The bullet went straight into her arm. No tissue was damaged. It was a very clean shot. Her arm will be sour and painful for a couple of days, but otherwise she'll be just fine."  
  
"Can I see her?"  
  
The doctor nodded. "You're her husband, right?"  
  
John looked at the surprised faces of Skinner and Scully, but they didn't say anything. "Yes."  
  
The doctor led John out of the room by his elbow, followed by Skinner and Scully. "Are you John Doggett?"  
  
John raised a questioning eyebrow. "How do you know?"  
  
"Because we found this." He pulled a bag out of his shirt pocket and held it in front of Skinner. "Are you AD Skinner?"  
  
Skinner shook his head and the doctor handed him the bag. He studies the contents for a minute before he looked even closer at the bullet inside the bag and his eyes turned wide in shock. He sighed. "I can't believe this."  
  
He handed the bag to Scully and she opened her eyes wide. "Oh no..."  
  
John looked at both of them, a more than worried look on their faces. "What's going on?"  
  
Skinner turned to John with the bag in his hand. "You're not gonna like this John."  
  
"What's wrong?" He cautiously took the bag out of Skinner's hand and studied the contents for a minute. He held the bag closer to his face, trying to see out what the others had found. The room started spinning when he took a closer look at the bullet. His mouth wide opened and his eyes reflecting fear, anger and helplessness he looked up at Skinner and Scully, unable to say a word. John was in apparent shock, both Scully and Skinner taking a step closer to him. Skinner put a hand on his arm to steady him. "Will you be okay John?"  
  
He didn't answer; he just kept staring at the bullet that had probably changed his entire life. And John felt like throwing up when he read the inscription on the bullet over and over again: 'R.I.P. John Doggett'.   
  
John tapped his foot on the floor. "This guy is a total fool. How far will he go?" He looked at Skinner and he was scratching his bald head.   
  
"I don't know John, but I'd say it would be safe to assume that you and Monica will be better off in a safe house."   
  
John shook his head. "I don't want to go into hiding for this guy." He stood rigidly and eyed Skinner, his jaw set in a stubborn clench. "That would be giving in Sir."  
  
Skinner shot a frown his way, but John ignored it. "I know you don't want to give in, but what will happen next time?" His jaw tightened. "Are you gonna ignore him until one of you actually gets killed?" He ignored the angry scowls coming from John's way and looked at the younger agent, his hand set on his hips, a pose excluding any form of discussion.  
  
John let out some air and tried to look relaxed and calm, but failing miserably. "Sir..."  
  
Skinner held his hands in the air. "Stop there John."  
  
John let out a growl and looked at Scully. "Don't tell me you agree with him?"  
  
Scully frowned and shook her head. "John, he is right. You and Monica aren't safe here. What will it take for you to understand that?"  
  
John let out an angry breath and stomped off, walking towards Monica's room. He gently opened the door and found her peacefully asleep, her left arm in a sling and a tube of oxygen in her nose. He took a chair and sat down next to her bed, taking her hand in his. She seemed so calm, so vulnerable lying there. He didn't want anything to happen to her, especially not a bullet that was meant for him. Deep down he knew that Skinner was right, but he was too proud to admit that someone else beside him was actually taking over his life. But was he prepared to go as far as losing Monica for his pride? No, he didn't want to risk that. She meant far more to him than his stupid pride and masculinity.   
  
As John was thinking about taking Skinner up on his offer - not that he didn't realize that he had actually had any choice - the door opened and Scully and Skinner entered. He turned his gaze away from Monica for a few seconds too look up at them. He accustomed them with a nod from the head and his eyes diverted back to Monica. He gently caressed her palm with his thumb, while Scully picked up her chart to take a look. Her eyes scanned the page quickly and she put it back. John looked up at her, his whole body rigid. "How is she really doing, Dana?"  
  
Scully smiled at him. "She's doing fine John. They gave her something against the pain, that's why she's asleep. Beside a very painful arm, she'll be just fine in the morning." She gave his shoulder a squeeze and gave Skinner a look before she left the room. Skinner walked next to John and he looked up at him.  
  
"You going to be okay John?"  
  
John sighed. "I'll be fine Sir. I'm just glad she's okay."  
  
Skinner let out a puff of air and his jaw sat clenched. "I meant what I said earlier John. I think you and Monica should go to a safe house."  
  
John nodded. "I know Sir, but I don't want this guy to take over our lives."  
  
Skinner put his hand on John's shoulder. "I know how you feel John, but sometimes you have to put your pride aside."  
  
"I know Sir, I realise that." John turned around and looked at Monica's fragile body. He looked back up at Skinner and smiled. "We'll take you up on your offer."  
  
John smiled back at him. "I'll make the arrangements." He gave his shoulder a last squeeze and quietly left the room.   
  
John turned back to Monica and put his hand on her cheek. He gently wiped her cheek with his thumb, before taking her hand in both of his. He laid his head down next to her hand and closed his eyes. It didn't take too long before sleep was starting to overtake him. His breathing was slowing down and before he knew it, he was softly snoring.  
  
John awoke when he heard someone mumbling. He was disorientated for a few seconds before he realised where he was. He tilted his head and Monica's eyes were open. She looked at him and it took her a second before she realised who he was. "John..."  
  
John looked up at her and smiled. "Mon." He gently took her hand in his and she smiled back at him.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You don't remember?"  
  
Monica shrugged her shoulders and clenched her jaw. "I just remember a shot and then awful pain."  
  
John motioned to her arm in a sling. "You were hit in the arm. Bullet went straight into your arm."  
  
Monica swallowed. "Will there be any damage?"  
  
John smiled. "You'll be fine. It was easy to remove the bullet. And no tissue was damaged. But you're gonna be in an awful lot of pain in the next couple of days." His jaw set in a tight clench, a pensive look washing over his face.   
  
Monica touched his hand with hers. "What's wrong John?"  
  
He shook his head stubbornly. "Nothing, I'm just happy that you're okay."  
  
"That's not what you're thinking about," she pointed out. "There's something else on your mind."  
  
His eyes flickered from her face to the wall and back to her face. "You're right Monica, there is something wrong. Something that is even bigger than the both of us."  
  
Monica frowned and focused on their intertwined hands. "What's really going on? Don't tell me there's a conspiracy going on against us," she said sarcastically.  
  
John tightened the grip on her hand and fell into an uncomfortable silence. Monica removed her good hand from his grip and wrapped it around his shoulder, pulling him closer. John's heart started thumping in his chest and he cleared his throat. "There was a message on the bullet they removed from you arm. And that bullet was meant for me." John slumped his shoulders in defeat and leaned back against his chair, his eyes dark and angry.  
  
Monica shuffled back in her pillow and looked at him. "Don't go blaming yourself John. You can't help it. It's no one's fault except the crazy fool who has it in for us for one or another reason." She paused and put her hand on his heart. "I'm not the only one who needs healing, you need healing too John. And I want to be the one who is there for you."  
  
John was fighting back tears, knowing he couldn't win the fight. A lonely tear made its way down his cheek and fell on Monica's outstretched arm. He gently wrapped his arms around her and rocked her. "What did I do to deserve you Mon?"  
  
She pulled away from him and tenderly kissed the bridge of his nose, her eyes becoming misty. "You're a wonderful person, John. Don't let anyone ever tell you the opposite."   
  
Their eyes locked, both unable to break the spell. John closed the gap between their mouths and she could feel his breath on her lips. He looked into her eyes, asking for silent permission to kiss her, always being the ultimate Southern gentleman. For a split second she thought she felt his lips on hers, but she could be wrong. He didn't really have the chance to kiss her, a soft coughing in the doorway interrupting them. "Excuse me."  
  
They pulled away from each other and turned around to find an amused Skinner standing in the doorway. John jumped from his chair. "Sir."  
  
Skinner's lips curled into a smile. "I'll just pretend I didn't see that." He winked at John and he seemed to relax. "I just came to tell you that I've arranged a safe house for you."  
  
Monica looked from Skinner to John, her eyes questioning. "You didn't tell me anything about a safe house." Her shoulders turned rigid and she gave John an angry look. "Maybe you thought that I would realise once we got there," she said sarcastically.  
  
"Mon," John tried, but she wasn't in the mood to listen. "I was gonna tell you. I just didn't have the chance yet."  
  
"Sure John." She looked him straight in the eyes, the muscles in her shoulders tensing up. She bit back a shot of pain that washed over her when she moved her bad arm.  
  
"I swear I was gonna tell you. But you were asleep last night and you just woke up ten minutes ago. Where did you want me to find the time to tell you?"  
  
"How about telling me when I woke up."  
  
"I had other things to tell you." John's body language turned from relaxed and calm to annoyed and angry. "Do you really think I wasn't gonna tell you."  
  
"Whatever John."   
  
"Listen," he paused and clenched his jaw. "We'll talk about this later."  
  
Monica shook her head stubbornly. "There's nothing to talk about."  
  
"Right," John spat back, looking up at Skinner and getting up from his chair. "I think I should go." He shot Monica a warning look and left the room in a hurry, walking down the hallway of the hospital in a rotten mood. He stopped when he heard someone shouting his name, running up behind him.  
  
He turned around and looked at Skinner, the tensed muscles in his shoulders hurting. "John, you can't leave like that."  
  
"Watch me Sir." He turned around and took a step forward, but was held back by a strong hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Listen to me for minute John." John gave in and looked at his boss. "Now that I've got your attention let me make something clear." Skinner paused and shot John a coy look. "Don't let this thing tear you and Monica apart."  
  
"Sir?" John gave him a questioning look, clearly not realising what Skinner was trying to say.  
  
"John, if you let this come between you and Monica, you will not only lose what you have between the two of you, but you will have let this guy win. Can't you see that he want to drive you and Monica apart? Secondly, you both are so stubborn sometimes that I feel like kicking your arses." He turned back and pointed to Monica's room. "In there John, that's where you need to be. And if you haven't realised that yet, you're even worse than I expected."   
  
John's jaw tightened in annoyance. "What are you trying to tell me Sir?"  
  
Skinner smiled. "I may be an old fool, but I'm not blind. I'm talking about you and Monica here. You are both too stubborn to admit what's right in front of you. You care so much about each other..."  
  
"If she cares so much about you, why is she angry with me every five minutes?"  
  
Skinner frowned and shook his head. He pointed his finger at John's heart. "There's your answer John. And you are the one that should be doing something about it, instead of hiding behind remorse and fear."  
  
John stared at him for a few seconds, his mouth wide open, before he relaxed, clearly understanding what Skinner was trying to say: Monica was in love with him. "Sir," John swallowed, looking for the right words. "If I understand what you're saying correctly," another pause followed. "You want me and Monica to break the 10500 FBI rules about fraternization?"  
  
Skinner's mouth was set in a tight line. "That's not what I said John, but it's what you understood. Let's just say that I'm prepared to turn a blind eye as long as you keep it private." He turned around and left a baffled John behind. John walked back to Monica's room, softly knocked and entered. She was lying with her back to the door. "We need to talk Mon." 


	7. Matters of the Heart Part 7

John stood motionless in the doorway, his shoulders tensed and his jaw clenched. He walked over to Monica, trying to ignore the soft whimpers she let out. He sat down in front of her, lightly brushing her hair away from her face. She had the remains of tears on her cheeks and her eyes were closed. "Mon, please talk to me."  
  
Her eyes opened slowly. "There's nothing to talk about."  
  
John shook his head stubbornly. "I think there's a lot to talk about," he paused taking a deep and shallow breath. "We have to talk about this."  
  
She turned around and laid flat on her back, leaning back in the pillows, staring at the wall in front of her. "John, I don't think this is the right time for us to talk." She diverted her look from the wall to his face for a second, before closing her eyes. "I'd like to get some sleep John." She missed the hurting in his eyes, his shoulders tensing up even more. She even tried to ignore the angry scowl, but she couldn't. She opened her eyes again and looked up at him, honesty shining through his entire body. "John please..."  
  
John swallowed hard. "Monica, listen to me. I'm begging ya," he whispered, fighting back to coming tears. "I really need to say something. Something I have been meaning to say to you for so long, but it never seemed to be the right time. And I don't think I can keep it to myself for much longer."  
  
So much honesty coming from John Doggett surprised her. She tried to look in his eyes, but she couldn't. She was afraid that in his eyes she'd find what she had been looking for since the very first day she met him. Instead she played with her sheet, turning it around her index finger. John took her hand to stop her from fidgeting. She looked at him and she was suddenly surprised with all the love she saw in his eyes. She saw her own feeling for John reflected in his whole being. She had waited for this moment for years and yet she was going to hurt him. She was going to hurt the both of them and she hoped from the bottom of her heart John would understand why she was going to do it. "John..."  
  
John put his finger on her lips to stop her from talking. "Just... listen, please. There's so much I need to stay and I'm afraid that I won't find the guts to tell you if you keep interrupting me." His finger moved from her lips to her face and rested on her cheek, making soft circles. The tenderness in the gesture made Monica close her eyes. John smiled at his partner. "I'm sorry about earlier. I should have told you what was going on. But I guess I told you what was important first. You took a bullet that was meant for me Monica." He almost choked in his own tears and Monica opened his eyes to look at him. Really looked at him for the first time in her life. She felt her heart thumping in her chest and she was trying to keep a clear head. She needed to do this.  
  
"John, just don't, okay? I know you're sorry, I know the bullet was meant for you. And I'm sorry for yelling at you. I know you were going to tell me about the safe house, but sometimes it's so much easier for me to be angry at you." She looked at him, surprise evident in his eyes. "I just want to distance myself from you sometimes. Even if that means us getting in a fight. I don't want to lose myself in you John."  
  
John frowned, a soft growl escaping his throat. "Mon, don't say what you're gonna say." He held his finger up and gave her an angry look. "Just let me finish." His voice turned into a whisper. "Please?"  
  
"Okay."   
  
He let out a deep breath and looked straight at her. "Here it comes." He paused and took her hand in his. "Monica, there's something I have been meaning to tell you for I don't know how long. I just never found the courage to do it, but after almost losing you twice, I don't think I can keep this to myself anymore. First of all, I don't want this to come between us, whatever happens. I want us to stay friends beyond everything. But I don't think it's fair to our friendship that I keep my real feeling for you hidden." Another pause followed and a soft puff of air leaving his lips. "I am in love with you Monica. I have been for such a long time. I can't remember not being in love with you."  
  
Monica's eyes were filled with tears. John had finally said what she wanted to hear and yet she was going to break him. She whimpered. "John please..." Another tear made its way down her cheek and when John tried to wipe it away, she pulled back. "John, I know it took you a lot of courage to say this in my face. And I admire you for that. But I think it's time for me to be honest too." She tried to fight back tears the best she could, trying to sound as honest as she could. "John, I love you, I really do. But.." Another pause followed. "But I'm not in love with you."  
  
John's heart felt like a ten-ton truck had hit it. He stared at her with his mouth wide open, his whole body turning rigid. Without saying a word, he got up and gave Monica once last look. He turned around and left the room, ignoring the soft sobs coming from Monica. Bitterness got the better of him and he walked back to Monica's bed. His voice was low and dangerous. "Suddenly I can't remember why I fell in love with you in the first place. What the hell did I ever see in you?" he spat before storming out of the room, closing the door with a loud thud.   
  
He stormed out of the hospital, only to be stopped by Scully coming in. "John? What happened?"  
  
He shook his head and frowned. "Nothing. I've just been a stupid blind son of a bitch for the last few years." He stomped off to his car, only to be stopped by Mulder.  
  
"John, you can't drive like that."  
  
John pulled away from Mulder. "Who asked you anything?"  
  
Mulder took a step back, trying to reason a very angry John Doggett. Whatever had happened inside must have been very serious. He had never seen John like that. "John don't..." Before Mulder knew what was happening a fist connected with his jaw and he fell against John's car, feeling a stab of pain in his side. John came towards him, his eyes turning from angry to ballistic. He lifted his hand to hit Mulder again, but a pair of strong arms suddenly pulled him back.   
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing Agent Doggett?"  
  
Mulder got up and silently thanked Skinner, who was having a hard time keeping John in his grip. "Go and get Scully will you." Mulder ran inside, while Skinner tried to calm down Doggett. A minute later both Mulder and Scully came running back outside. Skinner looked at Scully. "What the hell happened in there?"  
  
Scully shook her head. "I have no idea Sir, but Monica was crying and I couldn't get her to talk."  
  
Skinner turned back to John and gripped his collar. "What the hell have you done to her?" He growled dangerously.  
  
John turned his head to the floor and pushed Skinner away with a force he didn't know he possessed. "I just followed the advice you didn't give me Sir!" John spat, grabbing his keys out of his pocket. "Why the hell did I listen to you in the first place?" John shook his head. "I shouldn't have listened to an old man who's been single for the better part of his life. What the hell do you know about true love?" John said sarcastically, opening his door. "I'm outta here." He was about to get in his car when he was pushed against the door with a violent force.   
  
Skinner took him by the collar of his shirt, his eyes becoming suddenly very dark and dangerous. "You're out of line Agent Doggett." He held him tighter when he tried to get out of his grip. "I'm gonna say something to you and I don't want a word to come out of your mouth, is that clear?" John bowed his head and didn't respond. "Good, why don't we go inside and discuss it over there?" He looked at John. "If I let you go, you're not gonna try to get away?"  
  
John shook his head. "I won't." His voice sounded childish, as if he was suddenly realising what an idiot he had made out of himself. "I'm sorry." He looked at Mulder, his cheek already turning blue. "I'm sorry for hitting you, Mulder. I don't know what happened. I wasn't in control of my body anymore."  
  
Mulder gave him a small smile. "It's okay John, don't worry. I'll be just fine. Got the perfect doctor to take care of me at home." He took Scully's hand in his and the four of them walked back inside.  
  
They sat down in the waiting room and Skinner eyed John. The younger man seemed to have calmed down but he had a look on his face that made Skinner feel sorry. He looked as if he was about to break down and cry every second now. It was as if he had lost the most important thing in his life. And Skinner knew it had something to do with Monica. "How is Monica doing John?"  
  
He shook his head, lost for words. "I dunno Sir."  
  
Skinner got up from his chair and motioned for John to follow him. He walked behind Skinner and they stopped in front of Monica's room. "What happened John? I know I'm your boss and technically the two of you are not allowed to be together, but I'm not too stupid to see true love when it's right in front of me. And I don realise that I'm the last person you want to confide in. But I don't want to see my best pair of agents tearing each other apart."   
  
John looked at Monica through the door, sadness in his voice. "I told her how I felt Sir and to make a long story short, she turned me down."  
  
Skinner raised his eyebrows in surprise. "She turned you down?"  
  
John looked down at the floor. "Yes Sir, she said she wasn't in love with me. And I really wanted to leave, but since she hurt my pride I said that I didn't know why I fell in love with her in the first place. She started crying and I just walked out."  
  
Skinner shook his head in defeat. "You two are quite the pair, you know that?" he said sarcastically. "She hurts you so you decide to hurt her even worse?"  
  
"Basically-" John paused and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "Yes Sir."  
  
"John, you have to let go that masculine pride of yours every now and then. You'll end up a very lonely old man if you don't." Skinner gave him a small smile. "Take it from someone who has been there." He softly knocked on the door and entered Monica's room, John looking at him from behind the window.  
  
Skinner sat down in front of Monica, her shoulders softly shaking. "You and John are quite the pair, let me tell you that."  
  
She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Sir?" She frowned, but Skinner ignored it.  
  
"Agent Reyes, I'm gonna say something to you and you'd better listen, cause I'll only say it once." He paused and waited until he had her complete attention. She turned to lie on her back and leaned back in the pillows, her eyes still red from the tears she had shed. "What you and John got going is very special."  
  
"Sir, there's nothing going on between me and John."  
  
Skinner let out a chuckle. "I don't know which one of you is the most stubborn. John with his pride or you with your blindness? Anyway, I just came to give you a good piece of advice." He pointed to the window where John was waiting. "That man out there cares a great deal about you. I don't know what the hell possessed you to let him down, but I know for a fact that it was a white lie. I know you said you didn't love him, but I'm not buying that. Just follow your heart Monica." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and got up to leave a surprised agent behind. Before he left the room he turned around. "If you pretend that we didn't have this conversation, I'll just pretend that I have no clue what's going on between you and John. As far as I'm concerned you're just good friends." He winked at her, and softly closed the door behind him.   
  
John was tapping his foot on the floor, waiting for Skinner to say something. Skinner looked up at him and gave him an icy look. "Will you just stop that John? You're making me nervous."  
  
John pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry Sir."  
  
Skinner put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Go in there John and start all over again. And maybe you'll find it in your heart to forgive her for letting you down the first time." He growled at John. "And if you don't, you're the biggest idiots I have ever seen." He turned around and left a nervous John Doggett standing in front of Monica's room. John felt his hands shaking and softly knocked on the door.   
  
He opened the door to her room, feeling his heart thumping in his chest. She was curled in a ball, her back to him. He walked over to the bed, kneeling down in front of her. Her eyes were closed and she was softly whimpering. John got up and sat down on the bed, his hand making lazy circles on her back. She opened her eyes to him and he gently smiled. Monica put her arms around his neck and drew him closer to her. No words were spoken between them; they were just content to hold each other. Monica was the first to pull away, looking up at John with a heavy heart. "I'm so sorry John. I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
John clenched his jaw and tried to remember what Skinner had said. "It's okay Mon. I forgive you. And I'm sorry for what I said too." He gave her a radiant smile and she felt her heartbeat speeding up. "I just wanna know one thing: Why did you turn me down?"  
  
Monica swallowed and turned to lie on her back, her hands clasped in her lap. "Because I was afraid."  
  
John shuffled his feet on the floor. "But why? Have I done something to scare you?"  
  
She offered him a small smile. "You didn't, but..." Monica hesitated and swallowed the lump in her throat.   
  
"Tell me Mon." He pulled her hands out of her lap and held them in his.  
  
"The guy who tried to rape me," she paused and tried to find her voice again. "He had the same eyes as you. The same colour, the same spark." Her voice was barely heard and she looked down at her lap.  
  
John let out a sigh he didn't know he had been holding. "I'm sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean to."  
  
Her lips curled into a grin and she looked him straight in the eyes. "It's not your fault John. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did."  
  
"If I understand what you're saying correctly, you said you weren't in love with me because you were scared?"  
  
"That's exactly what I'm saying."  
  
John nodded and smiled at her. "And what would you say now if I told you I was in love with you and have been for a very long time?"  
  
Monica grinned. "You're not gonna make this easy on me, are you?"  
  
He shook his head. "I don't intend to." He looked at her expectantly. "And?"  
  
She sighed and squeezed his hands. "I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember and I wouldn't want it any other way. That being said, I'm not ready yet to take this relationship to the next level."  
  
"I know you're not ready yet Mon and I respect that." He tenderly kissed her cheek and traced her lips with his finger. "And I'm prepared to wait as long as I have to. Even if it takes you years, I don't care. I just wanna be there for you and hold you when you need me."  
  
A huge smile spread across Monica's face. "Thank you John." She pulled her hands away from his and threw them around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. John tenderly traced her cheekbone with his lips, stopping at the corner of her mouth. Monica felt his hesitation and turned her head a little and their lips met for the very first time. It was a soft and gentle kiss, one full of future promises. He traced her lips with his tongue and pulled away before she could deepen the kiss. She smiled when he rained butterfly kisses all over her face, still tasting John on her lips. He finally pulled away and smiled at her.  
  
"I should probably go Mon. Visiting hours are long over."  
  
She sighed. "Do you really have to?" She moved aside to make room for him. "You can stay here if you want." She looked at him with pleading eyes, very well aware of the fact that he probably couldn't turn her down. It wasn't her intention to take advantage of it; She wanted nothing more that to be in his arms.  
  
John's lips curled into a small smile and he took his shoes off. He lay down on the very small hospital bed; his front spooned to her back, his arms encircling her waist, carefully avoiding her wounded arm. She leaned back against his strong and muscular body, inhaling his intoxicating scent. She turned her head and claimed his lips with hers, lingering on his mouth a little bit longer than intended. She felt John smile into the kiss and a soft chuckle left her mouth. "Goodnight John."  
  
"Ya betcha it will be a good night." He dropped a feather light kiss on the tip of her nose before pulling her into a tight embrace. After a few minutes he felt Monica's breathing slowing down and he fell asleep not much later, a smile on his lips.  
  
THE NEXT MORNING  
  
John awoke when a small ray of light was coming through the curtains. He looked at Monica over her shoulder and she was still asleep, softly breathing. He door opened and he heard a chuckle. "Darn Scully, we should have brought the camera."  
  
Scully grinned. "Shut up Mulder." They walked to the bed and John looked up at them, a smile on his face. "I don't want to interfere in what's not my business John, but Skinner is on his way and..."  
  
"The last thing he probably wants, is seeing the two of you like that," a low and amused voice said from the doorway.  
  
Scully turned around and looked at Skinner, who was grinning. "Busted."  
  
Monica was stirring in John's arms and she mumbled. "Morning." She turned around and placed a tender kiss on his lips, not realising there were other people in the room.  
  
"Ahum... I don't mean to interrupt." Monica pulled away from John, surprise written all over her face. She turned her head and looked at Skinner.  
  
"Sorry Sir, I had no idea you were here."  
  
"That was indeed very obvious." Skinner scratched his throat and looked at Scully. "Why don't you tell them?"  
  
John gave Scully a questioning look. "Tell us what?"  
  
"Well, we found you a safe house. It's in San Diego, but it's not your usual FBI standard safe house."  
  
Monica leaned back in her pillow. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, we rented a cabin at the local campground over there. We know it's very unusual, but we think no one will go looking for the two of you at a campground."  
  
John looked at Monica and then at Skinner. "Who's idea was it Sir?"  
  
Skinner nudged his head in the direction of Mulder. "Who else but Mulder would come up with such a stupid idea?"  
  
Mulder grinned and turned to look at John. "But they haven't told you the best part yet."  
  
John let out a primal growl and looked pleadingly at Skinner. "Don't tell me he's coming along."  
  
Skinner held his arms up in defence. "Actually, he is. Scully and Mulder will come along to keep an eye on you. Besides, I think it would be safe for Monica to travel with a doctor, since her stitches will have to be removed and someone should take care of her arm."  
  
Monica looked at Scully. "What about William?"  
  
Scully smiled back. "My mom will take care of him until this blows over. We feel like you'll need all the help you can get."  
  
Monica smiled gratefully. "Thank you."  
  
Scully squeezed her hand. "You're more than welcome. We hope we'll catch this guy soon." She paused, her eyes flickering between John and Monica. "We took the liberty to pack your bags. They are in the trunk of our rental car."  
  
"Rental car?" both John and Monica replied at the same time.  
  
Scully nodded. "Yes. We're not going there by plane. We're gonna drive all the way to California."  
  
Monica smiled and looked at John. "This is gonna be fun." John didn't say anything, he just grumbled. Monica elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't be such a grumpy man John."  
  
He sighed. "If that's your idea of fun." He looked at her eyes; obviously he had hurt her feelings. "Sorry, but I hate driving."  
  
Mulder looked at him. "Don't worry John. Me and Scully will do all the driving and you can have the backseat to yourself."  
  
"Geez, thank you so much," John replied sarcastically. "Just let me get one thing straight. How the hell did you get into my house without a key?"  
  
Mulder grinned sheepishly. "Well, we kind of picked yours and Monica's locks."  
  
John looked at Scully. "And you let him do that?"  
  
Mulder put his arm around Scully's shoulder and smiled. "She not only let me pick your locks, but she helped me."  
  
John growled and scratched his head. "Did you take a course in lock picking or something?" He felt Monica touching his back, her eyes pleading him to calm down. He couldn't resist the look in her eyes and sat quiet on the bed.  
  
Skinner broke the silence. "Why don't you get ready so you can get going?" He watched John get up from the bed and take the small bag of clothes Scully was handing him. He disappeared in the small bathroom in the corner to emerge ten minutes later, his hair wet and spiked. He helped Monica up and she made her way to the bathroom too, coming out after a few minutes, looking more like Monica without the hospital gown.  
  
They followed Scully, Mulder and Skinner outside, Monica saying her goodbye to the nurses. The five of them walked to a grey Ford Windstar waiting for them. The car had dark windows and John was happy about that. At least no one would be able to see them in the car. Monica walked to the front of the car and let out a scowl. John stood next to her, still holding her hand. "What's wrong Mon?" She motioned to the front wiper, a note stuck under it. He looked from Monica to Skinner and back to Monica. "Sir?"  
  
"What's up?"  
  
John motioned to the note with a wave of his arm. "I think our friend has been here," he said sarcastically. "How the hell are we gonna stop him? He knows our every move before we even make it."  
  
Skinner walked to the front of the car and put on a glove and pulled the note away from the wipers. He opened it and held in front of John and Monica: 'You can run, but you can't hide. I'll follow you to San Diego, California.'  
  
John looked at Monica and she had a scared look on her face. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. "Will this ever stop John?" He put his hand on her back and tenderly caressed her, trying to calm her down. She gave him a small and thankful smile, fear still written all over her face.  
  
Mulder and Scully were looking at Skinner. "Sir?"  
  
Skinner handed them the note and Mulder scratched his chin. "I don't mean to pry or anything, but who else at the FBI knew John and Monica were going into hiding at San Diego?"  
  
Both John and Monica looked at him, expecting an answer. He let out a sigh and thought things over for a second and his eyes turned wide. "I didn't tell anyone but Kersh" he paused for a second. "And Assistant Director Follmer."  
  
"Brad?" Monica whispered, her hand gripping John's tighter.  
  
Skinner tapped his left foot on the ground and drummed his right fingers on the roof of the rental car. "We don't know for sure it's him," he tried, John giving him angry looks. He tried to ignore the scowls coming from John's way, but he couldn't. "Will you give it a rest John?"  
  
John growled. "I've always known the guy was a scumbag." He felt Monica releasing the grip on his hand and turning her head to look at him.  
  
"Why don't you just shoot him straight away?" She took a step closer to him, the hurt obvious in her eyes. "You can't prove he's guilty!" she spat, raising her voice. "So why don't you shut the hell up!" She turned around and angrily walked away.  
  
John rolled his eyes and looked at Skinner. "What the hell did I say?!"  
  
Skinner shook his head in disapproval. "You're never gonna learn, are you?"  
  
John frowned and looked at Scully, who was in deep conversation with Mulder. She took her eyes away from him to shoot John an angry look. John groaned and ran after Monica, catching up with her a little further down the parking lot. He held her back with a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around and gave him an angry look. "What?!"  
  
John raised his eyebrows. "I really don't understand what you're so worked up about."  
  
"You don't? Then I can tell you've got a lot to learn, John Doggett!" she spat, her voice loud and threatening. "Have you ever thought about the fact that everyone is innocent until proven guilty?"  
  
"Yes, but I never thought much of it, especially when we're talking about our beloved Assistant Director."  
  
"You never gave him a chance, did you?"  
  
John frowned. "You can't blame me that I never liked the guy."  
  
Monica looked him deeply in the eyes. "I once cared about him a lot and you'll want to excuse me if I want to see prove before I convict him."  
  
John hung his head low. "You're right." He looked up at her and took her chin between his thumb and his index finger. "I'm sorry Mon. I should know by now when to keep my mouth shut."  
  
Monica shook her head. "It's not about keeping your mouth shut." She put her hand on his chest. "It's about not jumping to conclusions straight away when it involves Brad." She moved her hand to his heart. "I know you really hate the guy, but give him a chance." Her eyes pleaded and John sighed. "Do it for me."  
  
He gently pulled her mouth closer with the hand that was still holding her chin and placed a quick kiss on her lips. "I'll do it for ya."  
  
She smiled thankfully and pulled her to him with her good arm, holding his strong body against hers and putting her head on his shoulder. John's arms encircled her waist and he would have pulled her closer if it were possible.  
  
They stayed like that for a few minutes, both of them unable to pull away. John swallowed hard and took a step back, breaking the contact between them. "We should get going."  
  
Monica let out a soft moan. "I don't want to." She gave him a tender look, making his heart double its speed. "Can't we stay like that for the rest of our lives?"  
  
"Awww Mon." He sighed and pulled her back to him, dropping a light kiss on the top of her head. "As much as I'd love to, we should get back to the real world. Not to mention the fact that our boss is probably watching us." He turned his head to find Skinner staring at them, his hands on his hips and an annoyed look on his face. "He sure is and he doesn't look too happy."  
  
Monica stepped out of his embrace and straightened her clothes, not resisting when John took her hand in his. Together, they walked back to the car, only to find that it was gone. "Sir?"  
  
"There's been a change of plans. Mulder and Scully took the car back to the rental agency; your trip to San Diego has been cancelled. Since there's obviously a mole inside the FBI, I'll send you some place else. No one will know where you're going, except Mulder and Scully and me of course. Kersh won't be informed and neither will AD Follmer."  
  
John looked at him. "He won't be too happy about that."  
  
Skinner shrugged his shoulders and John could swear he saw a grin forming on his lips. "Not a day goes by that Kersh isn't royally pissed off about something."  
  
Both John and Monica chuckled. "Come on Sir, he's the friendliest Director the FBI ever had."  
  
"Don't let anyone hear you say that or you'll ruin the good man's reputation," he said sarcastically, causing John to burst out in laughter.  
  
Monica looked sideways at John; he was beautiful when he was laughing. His smile added an extra sparkle to his eyes. She wished he would smile more. John still had a huge smile on his lips and the beauty of his face made Monica fall in love with him even more.   
  
John noticed she was staring at him with a dreamy look on her face. "What?"  
  
"Nothing." She smiled. "It's just that I love it when you smile and I wish you would do it more often." When John didn't react, she continued. "I would love to keep that smile with me every minute of the day."  
  
He didn't say anything, he just pulled her in his arms, and totally ignoring that Skinner was standing there. They held onto each other for a few more moments before they were interrupted by a loud cough. Both heads turned to look at Skinner, who was trying to wipe the smile from his face. "Keep it private?" He eyed John.  
  
"Sorry Sir, it won't happen again." He looked at Monica and then back at Skinner. "It's just that..."  
  
"I know John." He made a move forward and motioned for John and Monica to follow him. "I doubt you want to stay here all day? Why don't I just drive the two of you home for now and I'll see what our next move will be. I'll put two agents permanently in front of your house. And I'll take care of you car." He looked at John.   
  
John smiled thankfully. "Thank you."  
  
The drive to Falls Church was spent in comfortable silence, Monica looking out of the window and John playing with her hand. They arrived at John's house not much later, Skinner pulling the car to a halt and getting out with them. John gave him an odd look. "I just want to get you inside safely."  
  
"We'll be fine Sir, but thank you." Monica said.  
  
"If you're sure." He paused. "I'll just wait until you get inside safely and then I'll go." Skinner watched as John and Monica walked up to the porch, John opening the door and motioning for Monica to get inside. She halted at the entrance to look at the damage the bullet had made. Skinner walked back to his car and drove off.  
  
Monica was still standing still, looking at the remains of blood on the ground. John ushered her inside and locked the door behind her.   
  
She sank down on the couch, John dropping next to her, taking her hand in his. He looked at her and smiled. "Is there anything special you feel like doing today?"  
  
Monica thought it over for a minute before replying. "Not really. There's not much we can do while locked up in here."  
  
John waggled his eyebrows. "I might have an idea."  
  
She slapped him on the arm. "John!"  
  
He held his arms up in defence. "You've got a dirty mind." He grinned at her. "I was thinking about watching some old movies on TV."  
  
Her face turned red and John smiled at her. "Oh."  
  
"Yes oh. I know I'm a guy, but not all guys are obsessed you know."  
  
"So it seems." A huge grin appeared on her face. "You're fading like a flower John Doggett."  
  
John pouted. "But you love me anyway."  
  
She pulled him to her and softly kissed him on the lips. "Yes I do."  
  
"How about watching those movies then?"  
  
She shifted on the couch. "What have you got?"  
  
John got up and walked to his VCR, opening the cabinet under it. He rummaged through it and pulled out some old tapes. "Let's see. I've got Casablanca, Out of Africa; " he paused, turning one of the tapes in his hand. "The Maltese Falcon and my personal favourite, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid."  
  
Monica gave him a surprised look. "I didn't picture you as a Robert Redford fan."  
  
"Yeah," he paused. "I love him as an actor, he 's great."  
  
Monica smiled. "You don't happen to have 'up close and personal', do you?"  
  
John blushed. "Yeah, I've got that one."  
  
Monica grinned. "I can't believe a macho FBI agent like yourself owns a chick flick."  
  
"There's a lot about me you don't know."  
  
"Apparently."  
  
"So, what's it gonna be? Which one do you wanna start with?"  
  
Monica smiled sheepishly. "How about 'up close and personal'?"  
  
"I somehow knew you'd say that."  
  
He put the tape in the VCR and joined her on the couch, his arm going around her shoulder. Monica smiled up at him and put her head on his shoulder, her arms around his waist.   
  
They spent the better part of the day curled up in front of the TV watching old movies. Skinner called them in the afternoon to tell them that it was probably safer to stay at home, but that four agents would sit watch outside. No fingerprints had been found on the note, so basically they were back to square one. They had nothing, not even a hunch. Deep down John knew Brad had something to do with it, but he let it rest. He was sure he would make a mistake soon. That was, if Skinner's plan would work. Skinner would accidentally tell Brad about John and Monica's relationship, hoping to make him blindly jealous. If that plan worked well, they would catch him soon. He didn't tell Monica about the plan, not wanting to scare her more than necessary. If Brad wasn't their guy, it was a very risky plan, John knowing very well that he and Monica would probably be split up.   
  
At around nine thirty, after a nice dinner, Monica started yawning. John looked at her. "Why don't we go to bed?"  
  
"We?" she joked, John smiling sheepishly. They walked upstairs and both got changed in the bathroom. John was waiting in bed for Monica to join him and when she entered the room he lifted the covers and pulled her close to him. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Night Mon."  
  
She yawned. "Night John." Even before he head touched the pillow, she was already half asleep.  
  
Monica awoke in the middle of the night with from a nightmare, sitting straight up in bed, and waking John in the process. She turned on the lamp on the night table and John looked at her. Her face was white and she was shaking. "What's wrong Mon?"  
  
She put her hand in front of her mouth, her eyes wide. "Oh my God John, those eyes..." She paused and swallowed back tears. "It was Brad!" 


	8. Matters of the Heart Part 8

John gently took her hand in his. "Are you sure it was him?"  
  
"Positive John. It didn't occur to me until his saw his eyes again in my dream."  
  
"Maybe we should call Skinner." John shifted in bed and picked up the phone.   
  
"You going to call Skinner in the middle of the night?"  
  
John paused and looked at her. "I think we should call him. I mean the guy needs to be confronted."  
  
"You're right." She looked down at the bed and sighed. "Who would have thought Brad was capable of such things." She looked up at John again and he was opening his mouth to speak, but she didn't give him a chance. "Just don't say it."  
  
John dialled Skinner's number and after five rings a sleepy voice picked up. "Hello."  
  
"Sir, it's Agent Doggett."  
  
John heard Skinner swallow. "Everything okay?"  
  
"Yes Sir, but Monica just had a nightmare. She remembered the eyes of the guy who tried to rape her and she's positive it was Brad Follmer."  
  
Skinner growled on the other side of the line. "Damn. I would have hoped it was all a mistake."  
  
"I'm afraid not."  
  
"I'll go to the Bureau first thing in the morning and confront him."  
  
"Can we come along Sir?" John asked, hesitation in his voice.  
  
"I'm not sure it's a good idea. What's Agent Reyes' opinion on the matter?" He heard John hold his hand over the mouthpiece, followed by muffled voices.  
  
"Monica wants to come along."  
  
"Very well. Be there at 8.30 sharp tomorrow morning. And go back to sleep now."  
  
"Yes Sir. Goodnight." John hung up the phone and turned back to Monica. She was lying down on the pillow, staring at the ceiling. "You okay?"  
  
Monica sighed. "I still can't believe Brad would do something like that. I thought I knew him."  
  
John took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "People change for different reasons Mon. There's nothing you can do about that. I'm sorry."  
  
She gave him a small smile. "I'll be okay."  
  
He lied down and patted the spot next to him. "Why don't we go back to sleep?"  
  
She turned the night lamp out and sighed. "I don't know if I'll be able to sleep." She curled up next to him, his arm going around her waist and pulling her close. He dropped a kiss on her head and she smiled into his embrace. "I could get used to this."  
  
"We'll you'd better get used to it. Cause that's how it's always gonna be from now on if I have anything to do with it."  
  
Monica kissed him on the cheek and he pulled her even closer. After a few more minutes, Monica felt how John became calm and his breathing was slowing down. She looked at his sleeping form in the dark, trying to find some release that hopefully would make the sleep come. But it didn't and she spent the better part of what was left of the night tossing and turning.  
  
When John awoke the next morning, he found Monica looking down at him, a small smile on her lips. "Sleep well John?"  
  
He smiled and tilted his head to place a soft kiss on her lips. "Like a baby." He sat up and leaned back in the pillows. "I take it you didn't sleep?"  
  
"No, I just couldn't. I kept thinking and tossing and turning, and before I knew it, it was morning already."  
  
"Why don't you stay in bed until I'm finished in the bathroom. I'll make you a nice breakfast."  
  
"You're sweet," Monica replied and lay back in the pillows, snuggling closer to his sitting form. "Thank you."   
  
"Nothing's too good for my Mon." He got up from bed, took some fresh clothes out of his closet and walked to the bathroom. Two minutes later she heard the shower running and Monica smiled. She really could get used to waking up with John every morning.   
  
Fifteen minutes later he walked back in the room, wearing a blue jeans and a faded grey sweater. Monica smiled when she saw him coming in. "What?"  
  
She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just that I like when you are dressed casually."  
  
"I'm irresistible. What are you gonna do about it?" Monica got out of bed and threw her arm around his neck, pulling him closer. He didn't resist when she kissed him and licked his lips when she pulled away. "You should clean you teeth."  
  
"You dog." She walked back to the bed, grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head. He laughed and hit Monica's back when she walked passed him. He heard her close the bathroom door and when the shower was running he walked downstairs and started on breakfast.  
  
Monica came walking down the stairs a little later, her shirt in her hand and wearing nothing but a bra. John swallowed when he saw her standing like that in the doorway and she grinned sheepishly. "I need a hand to get my shirt on."  
  
"Sure." He walked over to her and helped her pull her shirt over her head, carefully not to touch her injured arm. "All done."  
  
"Thank you." She pulled his head closer for a kiss, but he pulled away, surprising her.   
  
"Did you clean your teeth?"  
  
She smiled at him and showed her teeth. "Yes mom, I did. Can I get a kiss now?"  
  
Her frowned. "I dunno. Did you do something to deserve one?"  
  
She groaned and pulled him closer, kissing him. He returned the kiss and was about to deepen it, when the doorbell rang. He smiled apologetically. Monica smiled back at him. "That happens a lot to us, doesn't it?"  
  
"I'll make it up to ya Mon." He walked to the door and looked through the peephole. He called back to her. "It's Scully." He opened the door and let her in. "Good morning."  
  
"Morning John. How's our patient doing?"  
  
He frowned. "She's a pain in the..." Before he had the chance to finish Monica called back from the kitchen.  
  
"I hear what you're saying John!" Scully smiled and walked into the kitchen. Monica grinned at her. "Good morning Dana."  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm fine, just a little tired."  
  
"Skinner told me about Brad. I can't actually believe it."  
  
"Neither can I, but I remember his eyes so clearly now." Monica looked sad. "I never thought he would go so far."  
  
Scully nodded. "People change."  
  
Monica smiled. "Yes, that's what John told me."  
  
Scully looked at her arm. "I'm here to take a look at your arm."  
  
"Thanks." Scully helped Monica out of her shirt and changed the bandages on her arm. When they were done, they walked into the kitchen, to find John sitting on the couch. He looked up at them.  
  
"Wanna join us for breakfast?"  
  
"I'm okay, thank you. I should actually go. We have to pick up William at my mom's."  
  
Monica opened the door for her and let her out. "Thanks Dana."  
  
She smiled and left. John and Monica returned to the kitchen and ate breakfast, before going outside and getting ready to leave. An agent walked up to them. "AD Skinner asked me to drive you to the Bureau."  
  
John eyed him, suspicious. "Can I see your badge?"  
  
The younger agent put his hand in his pocked and fumbled with his wallet to pull his badge out. John took it from him and looked at the picture and then at the agent. "Sorry about that, but I wanna be sure it's you."  
  
The young agent nodded. "I understand. AD Skinner will be waiting for you in his office." He walked them to his car and opened the door, John giving him a grateful nod. They slid in the back and the agent took off.   
  
When they arrived at the Bureau, Skinner's car was already standing in the parking lot. They took the elevator and knocked on Skinner's door. "Come in."  
  
John walked in, followed by Monica and Skinner motioned for them to sit down. "Agents. Before we go bursting into AD Follmer's office, I want to make a few points clear." He looked at John. "We're not going to jump him straight away. We're going to listen to what he has to say." He ignored the scowl coming from John and looked at Monica. "I know you recognize his eyes, but that's not a reason to shoot him." He looked at John when he said that. "Did I make myself clear?"  
  
Monica shifted in her seat. "Yes Sir."  
  
Skinner eyed John when he didn't respond. "John?"  
  
John sighed, shrugged his shoulder and frowned. "If I have to Sir."  
  
Skinner shook his head in disapproval. "Behave yourself. And if you don't, I'll kick your ass myself." They got up and made their way to Follmer's office, Monica walking next to John, looking at him every now and then on their way over.   
  
Follmer wasn't in his office yet and his secretary told them he would be there in five or ten minutes. They all sat down, John between Skinner and Monica. He was moving back and forth in his chair, Monica giving him angry looks. "Will you stop doing that?"  
  
He looked at her and smiled apologetically. "Sorry."  
  
When Follmer came walking down the hallway, Monica heard John growl. As soon as Follmer was a few metres from them, John jumped out of his chair and ran to Follmer, taking him by the neck and shoving him into the wall. Monica asked John to stop, but he didn't hear her. He held Follmer tightly against the wall, nearly choking him. "I'm gonna rip your heart out you sick son of a bitch," John spat, ignoring the pleas from Monica and Skinner pulling him backwards.  
  
John couldn't keep hold of Follmer much longer, Skinner pulling harder and harder on his shirt. He finally let Follmer go and lowered his head to the floor. Follmer straightened his clothes and put his tie in place, before walking up to John and giving him an angry. "You just gave me a reason to get your ass kicked out of the FBI," he spat, coming eye to eye with John.  
  
John frowned. "Yeah right. That'll give me more than time enough to visit you in jail, bastard," John replied sarcastically, totally ignoring Skinner's hand on his shoulder. He was pulled back and Skinner looked at him.  
  
"I think that does it John." He held his hand up and pointed to the chair. "Sit down and keep your mouth shut." He gave John an angry glare. When John opened his mouth to protest, Skinner growled. "If you don't shut up now, I'll kick you out myself." John scowled but kept his mouth shut. He looked at Monica and she seemed to be in shock. When she saw him looking at her, she sat down next to him.   
  
"You okay?"  
  
"I just feel like kicking his ass you know." John let out a sigh and took Monica's hand, playing with her fingers.  
  
"I know you do, but we should listen to what he has to say."  
  
"How can you say that," he paused, giving her an odd look. "After all he has done to you."  
  
She shrugged her shoulders and stood up, walking up to Follmer. "We need to talk with you."  
  
"Sure Monica, but" he waved his arm at John. "Keep your Bulldog on a leach."  
  
John glared at him, ready to get out of his seat, earning an angry look from Skinner. John just sunk back in his seat. "Crap," he mumbled, happy for once that no one heard him.   
  
Follmer walked in his office, followed by Skinner and Monica. John got up from his seat and Follmer looked at him. "You're actually thinking about coming in?"  
  
John nodded his head. "If you don't let me in, I'll break your door down," John smiled sarcastically. "Easy and simple."  
  
Skinner gave him his fifth warning look of the still very young day. "You're out of line Agent Doggett."  
  
"I know I'm out of line, but what about him?" He motioned to Follmer with his arm; he actually started to look more and more confused. "Let me go in. I promise I'll behave."  
  
Skinner sighed and looked at Monica who nodded her head. He walked next to John and whispered in his hear. "If you don't keep that promise I'll make sure Monica kicks your ass big time."  
  
John lowered his head and nodded. "Yes Sir."  
  
Skinner sighed. "Just come along, will you?"  
  
John smiled thankfully and followed them inside. They all sat down in front of Follmer, John sitting between Skinner and Monica. She looked at him and noticed how he and Follmer were shooting each other vicious looks. Follmer folded his hands on his desk. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Skinner sighed. "It's more what we can do for you."  
  
Follmer raised his brows. "I'm not following you. Will you just cut the crap and tell me what's going on."  
  
Skinner looked at Monica and John put a caring hand on her leg, not caring if Follmer saw them or not. If he saw them, he didn't mention it. He already knew they were in a relationship and much to John's surprise he didn't talk about it, or did he act jealous. Monica let out a puff of air. "Brad, the guy who tried to rape me, I remember his eyes." She paused and frowned, looking up to meet his gaze. "It was you."  
  
Follmer's eyes turned wide, his mouth hanging open. "Me?" he stuttered, putting a hand over his mouth. He just looked at her and shook his head. "You're mistaken Monica."  
  
Monica shook her head in disagreement. "It was you Brad, I'm sure of it."  
  
"Monica, I would never do something like that. I mean," he paused and looked from her to John. "I care to much about you to do something like that."  
  
"But," Monica hesitated, taking John's hand in her for support. "I would know your eyes out of a million."  
  
Follmer gripped his desk tighter, his knuckles turning white. He looked at Monica, honesty written all over his face. "Monica, I swear to you. It wasn't me." He touched his forehead with his hand. "Oh no..." Suddenly Follmer turned totally white, causing John to actually start doubting if he was really guilty.  
  
Skinner eyed the younger Assistant Director. He was still white, his hands slightly shaking. "Follmer?"  
  
Follmer pinched his nose and sighed. "There is something I have to tell you though."  
  
John crossed his arms over his chest. "We're listening."  
  
Follmer swallowed and drummed his fingers on the desk. "Last week I received a phone call from an adoption agency."  
  
"An adoption agency?" Monica asked, her eyes wide.  
  
"Yes," Follmer paused. "An adoption agency." He let out some air. "They told me I had been adopted as a kid. Just before my birthparent died, they gave them a letter." He wiped the sweat from his forehead. "They asked me to come over and pick up the letter."  
  
"And?" Monica asked curiously.  
  
"I picked up the letter. I found out I have a long lost brother. Apparently we got separated when we were adopted."  
  
John eyed him suspiciously. "I don't see what that has anything to do with it."  
  
Follmer growled. "I'm getting there Agent Doggett."  
  
Monica interrupted him. "I'm sorry Brad."  
  
He smiled weakly at her. "Being adopted I could handle. But the fact that I have an identical twin is a little hard to accept."  
  
"What?" all three replied at the same time. Skinner's mouth hung open, Monica stared at Brad and John being John, didn't know what to believe anymore. Monica was the first to break the silence. "There's more, isn't there?"  
  
Follmer hung his head. "I'm afraid so."  
  
Monica winced. "Is it that bad?"  
  
Follmer nodded. "That's the least you could say." He paused to give them all three a look, before pulling out a file and handing it to Monica. "Take a look at this and the hair on your back will stand when you're done reading."  
  
Monica opened the file and looked at Follmer in shock. "But..." she looked at the picture. "That's you."  
  
John looked at the picture and then at Follmer. "I can't see a difference."  
  
Follmer scowled. "That's why the call it identical twins," he said sarcastically, before looking at Skinner, who was now looking through the file.  
  
Skinner looked at Follmer and frowned. "This was the good news I guess." Follmer nodded and Skinner continued. "What's the bad news?"  
  
Follmer traced the outlines of his watch with his finger before he looked back at the three waiting agents. "My brother is a very dangerous serial killer who escaped from a high security facility last week. My apartment was broken in to four days ago and I guess he has something to do with it. He went through my personal stuff and I that's how he got hold of Monica's address."  
  
Monica looked at him, unaware of what he was trying to say. "What are you saying Brad?"  
  
"He left a note saying and I quote: 'you stole the life I should have had and I'll do anything to get it back. Even if it means hurting the people you care about' end quote. I didn't think much of it until you almost got raped. I didn't want to frighten you more, so I said nothing. If I had known sooner you had seen his eyes, I would have put one and one together." He paused and held up a paper. "I have been doing a little investigation on my own, but I couldn't find much to go on."  
  
He looked at John when he groaned. "You are such a selfish bastard Follmer!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Follmer spat back.  
  
John shook his head. "You should have told us what was going on."  
  
"I was trying to protect Agent Reyes. I didn't want to worry her even more. Not after what she had been through." He yelled back.  
  
"You almost got her killed you asshole!" John shouted, getting up from his chair. Monica stood up with him and put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"It's not his fault John." Monica's soft voice calmed John down and he sat down in his chair, leaning backwards. Monica knew he was still fuming, but she knew he was trying to calm down for her sake. She appreciated him even more for that. She took John's hand and looked at Follmer. "Sorry about that. You were saying?"  
  
"I'm saying this guy is very dangerous and you won't be safe until we catch him."  
  
Skinner moved in his chair and coughed. "Why was he trying to kill Agent Doggett then?"  
  
"I guess Agent Doggett just got in the way. He knew he couldn't hurt Monica as long as he was with her. But now it's not about vengeance anymore. It has become a sick game to him and he won't stop until he gets what he wants."  
  
John swallowed. "Me and Agent Reyes dead."  
  
Follmer nodded. "Right.  
  
John looked sideways at Monica and she turned white. "It's gonna be okay Mon. I promise we'll catch this guy."  
  
She turned to look at him, her face going blank. "We're talking about a serial killer who does it for the kick."  
  
"I know we are, but," he paused and squeezed her hand. "I'll get him before he gets me."  
  
Follmer coughed and both heads turned to look at him. "I don't mean to interrupt, but there is more." He went in his pocket and pulled out a paper neatly wrapped in a bag. "I found this under my wipers this morning." He handed the paper to John and he fingered the bag, his eyes travelling over the note: 'Tell John Doggett and Agent Reyes that the game has just begun'.  
  
"Shit," John groaned, looking at Monica. She was playing with her big silver ring and John put his hand on hers to stop her. "Stop fidgeting."  
  
"Sorry," she mumbled, "But this has become more than just a sick little game. She held her hands up in frustration. "If we don't end it soon, this thing is going to drive me nuts."  
  
John put a calming hand on her arm. "Take it easy Mon. We'll catch this guy." He looked from Follmer to Skinner. "I might have an idea."  
  
Skinner gave him a straight look and Follmer walked around his desk to stand next to Skinner. "What's that plan of yours?"  
  
John thought it over for a minute, before he started talking. "The way I see it, this guy is not gonna give up until he gets us. Why don't we just give him what he wants?"  
  
"What?!" all three deadpanned, giving John very strange looks.   
  
He put his hands up in defence. "Just listen me out will ya." He paused. "I don't intend to stay locked inside for the rest of my life. And that's what's gonna happen if we don't come out."  
  
Monica turned her head to look at him, her voice low. "What are you trying to say John?"  
  
"We need to set up a trap."  
  
"A trap?" Skinner questioned nervously. "What kind of trap are we talking about?"  
  
"We go to a very public place and if this guy is as crazy as he seems to be, he'll be there. And that's when we catch him."  
  
Follmer scratched his throat, a smug look on his face. "You make it sound very easy Agent Doggett."  
  
John nodded. "I do, but don't you all agree?"  
  
Skinner nodded his aproval. "I think you might be right. But you do realise that you are putting both your lives in danger?"  
  
John shook his head. "I was thinking more about in the line of me going alone."  
  
"You can't be serious," Monica angrily replied. "If you go, I'm coming along."  
  
John stubbornly shook his head. "I don't think that's necessary."  
  
Monica sighed and looked at Skinner. "What if he doesn't come when John is alone? Or what he manages to shoot him, do you think it'll be over then?"  
  
John answered, not giving Skinner a chance to reply. "I'll get him before he gets me."  
  
"Don't be so smug. He's way smarter than the two of us together." Her voice turned into a whisper. "And I'm certainly not going to let you take the risks by yourself."   
  
Skinner looked at both his agents, pausing to look at John. "She's right John. If you want to set up a trap, it's going to be the two of you or none of you."  
  
John nodded reluctantly. "If you say so."  
  
Monica looked at him. "I'll be fine John."  
  
He sighed and pursed his lips together. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. He was interrupted in his thoughts when Follmer moved back to his desk. "How about going to the movies?"  
  
Both John and Skinner looked up at him, nodding. "Public enough." Skinner eyed John. "What do you think?"  
  
John nodded in agreement. "Not a bad idea." He paused to look at Monica and she nodded. "That's a plan."  
  
"We need to set up a plan of action," Skinner said, getting up from his chair. "But first of all, I'm going to drive to two of you home." He turned around to look at Follmer. "I'll take it you want to help us."  
  
Follmer bowed his head. "I feel like I have to."  
  
Skinner nodded. "I'll be back later and we'll discuss tactics." He looked at John. "Come on you two."  
  
John looked up at Skinner. "Shouldn't we be here when we discuss tactics?"  
  
Skinner shook his head. "I think you already know what our plan will be. You and Monica just have to be there. And you have to be very careful."  
  
John got up from his chair and waited for Monica to get up. But she was leaning back in her chair and struggling to get up, her injured arm not really helping. He held his hand out and she took it, John pulling her to her feet. "Thanks." Their eyes locked, temporarily forgetting where they were. They were pulled out of their reverie when Follmer coughed.   
  
"I don't mean to intrude, but I have work to do." John could swear he saw a small smile around Follmer's lips, but then again, he could be mistaken.   
  
They walked out of the office, Skinner waiting for them. They caught up with him and he eyed them. "What?" they said at the same time.  
  
Skinner put on a straight face. "You have to be very careful about your relationship. If Kersh gets hold of it..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" John questioned.  
  
"That little charade in AD Follmer's office. I don't know if he can be trusted completely."  
  
"He won't say anything," Monica retorted, looking at John. He shook his head in agreement.  
  
"I don't like the guy either, but I think he will keep his mouth shut." John smiled cheekily. "Until I do something to royally piss him off."  
  
Skinner tried to contain his laughter. "I'm serious folks. Be very careful or they'll split you up."  
  
They both lowered their heads. "We know." They followed Skinner to his car and drove off.  
  
JOHN DOGGETT'S RESIDENCE, 1.30 pm  
  
Once they got back home, Monica got back in bed and tried to sleep. After having found out Follmer was actually innocent, she found sleep coming easily. John had ushered her upstairs and her head had barely touched the pillow or she was asleep. When Monica woke up, she put the sheets on the bed as well as she could with one hand and walked down the stairs to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. She stopped dead in her tracks when next to the couch she saw a box with a Golden Retriever pup in it, a red ribbon around its neck. The small dog waggled his tail when he saw her. She walked over to the couch and picked the dog out of the box. She didn't notice John watching her from the doorway, a tender look appearing around the corner of his mouth.  
  
"I heard he was looking for someone to take care of him." As he approached her, she couldn't help but smile at the huge grin on her face.  
  
"I don't know what to say John." She blushed slightly, before turning her eyes to the dog again.  
  
"Hey, I had nothing to do with it," he said. "You oughta thank Santa for his very late Christmas present."  
  
"You had this set up since Christmas?" she questioned.  
  
"Yes, but you had to wait months to get one. Those dogs are very popular." He patted the dog's head. "And I can see why."  
  
"He's very cute. Thank you so much. Thank you for taking such good care of me." She put her finger on his chin and tenderly kissed him on the lips.  
  
"I wouldn't have done it for anyone else," he replied, a tender and loving look on his face. "How about giving the animal a name?"  
  
"Yeah, he deserves a great name," she said while looking at John and then back at the pup. "How about Amigo?" She smiled sheepishly. "He reminds me of you. But I think he's way too..."  
  
John interrupted her before she could finish. "He's way too cute for his own good?"  
  
"I was gonna say that. But he reminds me of you in so many ways. He's sweet, dependable, I'm sure he's loyal and he is indeed very cuddly." Monica smiled, remembering that conversation some time ago.   
  
John was grinning. He lifted her chin with one finger, steel blue eyes boring into melting chocolates ones. "Is that what you really think of me?"  
  
She didn't answer, she just threw her arms around him. John held her tightly in return. "I guess I got my answer."  
  
Monica looked up at him. "Yeah you do John." Their eyes met once again and John tenderly places his lips on hers, tracing them with his tongue, seeking for entrance. Monica opened her mouth and he was about to deepen the kiss when the microwave rang. He looked at her apologetically.   
  
"Our timing really sucks." He grinned at her. "I'll make it up to ya."  
  
She grinned back at him. "I'm sure you will John."  
  
He took her hand in his, and followed by Amigo, they walked into the kitchen. John laughed when he felt soft paws crawling up his legs. He put his hand on the dog's head. "Down Amigo." The pup looked up at him, not really understanding what John wanted. He got down and growled. Monica laughed.  
  
"I think he wants to play." The dog walked over to her and she patted his head. "Not now Amigo, later." Amigo turned his head at her soft voice. She looked back to John. "I think he needs to be trained."  
  
John nodded his head in agreement and got up, taking something from the counter. "That's why I bought you this boo." He handed a book to Monica, who smiled thankfully.  
  
"Thank you John." They both looked at Amigo when he started growling, chasing a fly around the house. Monica burst out in laughter. "I guess he's still to young for that."  
  
John nodded his head. "Yeah, it might be a little to soon to start training him. He's only ten weeks old."  
  
Monica smiled when the dog happily walked back in the kitchen. "I can feel he's gonna be trouble."  
  
"Why's that?" John questioned.  
  
"Because it's a dog you picked out," she answered, grinning from ear to ear.   
  
John got up from his chair, walking over to Amigo and kneeling down next to him. Monica looked at him with an amused smile. He smiled back up at her, moving closer to her chair. "The way I see it you're gonna need all the help you can get raising him. Plus he'll have a lot of space to play in my back yard." He suggestively whispered in her heard.  
  
Her eyes turned wide. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"  
  
John's face turned deadly serious. "No, I'm not asking you to move in with me." He looked up at her, surprise evident in her eyes. He took her hand in his and smiled. "I'm actually asking you to marry me." 


	9. Matters of the Heart Part 9

Monica said nothing; she just stared at him, a small smile plastered on her face. John raised his eyebrows, expecting an answer. Instead of answering him Monica leaned down and pulled his head closer with her good hand under his chin for a tender kiss. After they broke apart she smiled. "A ring would have been nice too, but this is so much better."  
  
John shook his head in confusion. She pointed to the dog happily jumping up John's back and he laughed. Monica smiled back at him and for the first time in days, the smile reached her eyes. John got up and pulled her to her feet. They stood chest against chest and John looked at her. "You haven't answered my question yet."  
  
Monica put her hand on his chest and smiled. "What's girl to stay when a wonderful man like yourself asks her to become his wife?"  
  
"How about yes," he tried, earning another loving smile from Monica.  
  
"Do you even need to ask?" She questioned.  
  
John put his two hands up, considering the possibilities. "The way I see it Mon, that's the way it goes. One asks a question and the other answers it.  
  
But if one of the parties doesn't play along, there's confusion."  
  
Monica threw her arm around his neck and pulled him closer for a hug. He didn't resist her, how could he resist such a wonderful and loving person as Monica? They were content to stay in each other's arms for a while until Monica pulled away and took his hand in hers. "I want nothing more than to be your wife."  
  
The look of pure adoration on her face took his breath away. And suddenly he realised why he fell for Monica in the first place all those years ago. He thought he loved her back then. Oh boy, was he wrong. Over the years he learned to love her more and more. "I love you Mon."  
  
The earnest of his words made Monica's tears come out in an unstoppable cascade. He pulled her to him and she sobbed into his shirt, the events of the last few days coming to the surface. He lifted her chin with his finger. "What's with all the tears?"  
  
She stubbornly shook her. "I'm just happy that's all."  
  
"That's not all, is it?" John questioned, knowing very well what she was going to say.  
  
"What if something happens to you tonight? Do you really think I could handle that?" She sighed.  
  
"I could say the same thing. But we have to do something. I don't want to run and hide for the rest of my life."  
  
She nodded her head and lowered it to the floor. "I know," her voice turned into a whisper.  
  
John tilted her head to look at her. "When this is over, I'll propose to you in a way you will never forget."  
  
"Thank you," she whispered and threw her arm around his neck for another hug. When John finally pulled away, he looked at the table.  
  
"We should get something to eat."  
  
"I'm not really hungry," Monica shook her head stubbornly.  
  
"Is it something I said?" He questioned, mischief in his eyes.  
  
She smiled at him. "You really know how to talk to me, do you? You know very well I can't resist when you're looking like that. And you always use it when you want your way."  
  
He grinned at that and led her back to the table, pulling the chair out for her. She sat down and looked up at him, motioning with her finger to come closer. John did as he was asked and he was rewarded with a quick kiss on the lips. He smiled and sat down opposite her, holding her hand over the table. With the other hand he took a bite of his sandwich and Monica smiled. "What?"  
  
She looked at their linked hand. "You'll have to let me go eventually."  
  
"Why's that?" He asked in confusion.  
  
"Because, on the contrary of some people in this room, I only have one good arm at the moment." She grinned.  
  
"Sorry," he replied sheepishly, letting go off her good hand. He felt little paws on his leg and looked down at Amigo, who was giving him an irresistible look. He broke a piece of his sandwich and gave it to the dog. He happily took the food in his mouth and ran around the kitchen, bouncing up and down.  
  
"I don't think that was very wise John. First lesson in dog training: Never feed a dog at the dinner table." She shook her head in amusement.  
  
"I know," he paused. "But when he looks at me like that, he's even worse than you are."  
  
Monica held her arms up in defence. "I have nothing to do with it. You picked the dog."  
  
"I just couldn't resist him," John smiled.  
  
Monica patted Amigo who was now sitting next to her. "I can see why. He's adorable."  
  
"Just like me," John replied cheekily, causing Monica to burst out in laughter. "What?" He questioned, a big smile creeping on his lips.   
  
Monica patted his hand over the table. "Yes, you are a good boy." They both smiled and continued eating in silence. When they were done eating, John cleaned the table and Monica went in the living room to play with Amigo. The small dog was sitting in front of the door. "John?" She called out to him and he emerged from the kitchen. "He wants to go outside." John walked over to him and opened the door, the dog running happily outside. Monica looked at him. "Do you think that's wise?"  
  
John shook his head. "He'll be fine. They guy's after us, not after our dog." He laid a hand on her arm. "Don't worry."  
  
Five minutes later they heard soft growling on the other side of the door and John opened it to let the pup in. He came running inside, bouncing around the room with a piece of paper in his mouth. Monica instantly turned white. "Oh no..."  
  
John turned to look at her. "What's wrong Mon?" She pointed to the dog and John walked to the small ball of fur, taking the paper out of his mouth. He carefully checked the contents. "Uh oh."  
  
"What?" Monica asked, her voice slightly shaking.  
  
He held the note in front of her. "It seems my twelve year old neighbour left me another love letter." He grinned.  
  
She playfully swatted him on the arm. "You scared the hell out of me."  
  
"I can't help it if I'm irresistible."  
  
"You're so full of yourself John Doggett."  
  
"Yeah," he replied smugly. "But you love me anyway."  
  
She followed him to the couch, where they sat down, shoulder against shoulder. She looked at him. "So?"  
  
"What?" he asked confused.  
  
"How long has this thing between you and your twelve year old neighbour been going on?"  
  
"You jealous?" He retorted.  
  
"Extremely." They both started laughing, trying to lighten the mood of what was awaiting them. Monica looked at him. "Want to know what I'm in the mood for?"  
  
"What?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
She playfully punched him in the ribs. "Behave!" She paused. "I was going to say I was in the mood to watch something on TV, but if you're not in on the game, too bad."  
  
He completely turned to her. "I'm all ears." He frowned. "Let me rephrase that."   
  
"Don't bother John." She smiled at him, thankfully that he was being very playful this afternoon. They both knew they should be talking about what was awaiting them in a couple of hours, but both of them wanted to relax first and enjoy each other's company.  
  
Monica relaxed in the couch, her head on John's shoulder. When he started changing Channels every five seconds, she was getting nervous. She stopped his hand on the remote. "Will you please stop doing that?"  
  
He sighed. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little edgy."  
  
She turned her hand in his so that their palms were touching, linking her fingers with his. "I know, but you're making me nervous too." She looked at him. "How about doing something useful this afternoon?"  
  
"What did you have in mind Agent Reyes?"  
  
Just as she was about to reply, a little ball of fur jumped on the couch, happily licking the intertwined hands. Monica pulled her hand away from John's and looked at the puppy. "You're not supposed to be up here Amigo." Amigo raised his ears, as if he was trying to understand what she was saying, not moving an inch. She looked at John. "Maybe he'll listen to you."  
  
John shrugged his shoulders. "Let him. I'll put a blanket on my couch and everything will be fine."  
  
Monica snorted. "Right. That'll give him something more to eat."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
Monica grinned. "I didn't want to say anything, but the dog you picked out is known to be a destructor when young. They eat everything they can get, and believe me, they love blankets and towels."  
  
John groaned. "Damn, I knew a ring was a better idea," he pouted, earning an even bigger grin from Monica.  
  
"He'll be fine. We'll just have to train him harder." She got up from the couch and rummaged through his box of videos. She pulled one out with a big grin on her face. "This is useful stuff."  
  
He smiled when she put the tape in the VCR and the credits started playing. "I knew you were a sucker for 'Unfinished Business'."  
  
She sat down next to him, his arm going around her shoulder pulling her closer. "This is my favourite Hunter episode of all times. I cried for days when the VCR ate my tape." She smiled when she felt John placing a kiss on the top of her head.  
  
They spent the rest of the afternoon watching a little TV, neither of them not really noticing what they were actually watching. Their minds drifted off to everything that was at stake tonight. John had been confident at first, but now that le moment supreme came closer, he didn't know what to think anymore.   
  
Both of them got ready together, making sure their anti-bullet vests were put on correctly. John had to help Monica put on hers and when she was standing in the middle of the living room with her vest on, he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her. She threw her arm around his neck, softly sobbing into his shirt. "I don't want to lose you."  
  
He tilted her head, giving her a confident look. "You won't lose me. We won't be alone. There'll be very capable agents at hands. They won't let anything happen to either of us." He placed a feather light kiss on her lips. "Okay?"  
  
She gave him a watery smile. "Okay."  
  
Hand in hand they walked to the door when they heard a nervous tap, finding a very worried-looking Skinner standing on the other side. "Are you ready?"  
  
"As ready as we'll ever be," John said, glancing lovingly at Monica.   
  
They followed Skinner to John's SUV. He looked at both of them. "We placed a tracking device under the hood, just in case," he explained. He handed them two wireless microphones and earpieces. "Be careful what you say," he winked. They both put the devices on and got in the car. John gave Monica a last glances before starting the car and driving off.  
  
The drive to the Bethesda Montgomery Mall was spent in an uncomfortable silence, tension heavy in the car. Monica was staring in front of her, John's hand tenderly resting on her knee. She glanced at him and smiled. John parked the car in the parking lot and got out, making sure everything was safe without being too obvious. He walked to Monica's side and opened her door, holding his hand out. She took it and he pulled her to her feet, slamming the door shut behind her. They cautiously walked to the elevators, John's hand lightly resting on the small of her back. Once they were in the elevator, John turned to Monica. "I know this is gonna sound weird, but what do you wanna watch?"  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever. I'm not really here to watch a movie."  
  
John put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I know that, but we might as well catch something interesting." He offered her a sympathetic smile.   
  
"I really don't care John. Weather it's a chick flick or an action packed thriller, I won't be able to enjoy it anyway."  
  
He gave her a tender look. "Everything will be fine, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you."  
  
"Somehow I don't think it's me he's after. I'm worried about you," she replied.  
  
John sighed, took her hand and looked her deeply in the eyes. His eyes travelled to her microphone before he mouthed a well meant 'I love you'. She gave him a reassuring smile and after they got out of the elevator and John had paid for the tickets, they made their way inside. John bought some popcorn on the way in. They sat in the back of the theatre; luckily it was a very calm night, because once Dan showed himself it could get very ugly.  
  
After a few commercial and previews the credits started rolling and Monica allowed herself to relax just a little and put her head on John's shoulder. "Do you want some popcorn?"  
  
Monica shook her head. "Thanks," she whispered. "I can't eat right now." She got up from his shoulder and looked at him in the dark. "How can you possibly eat in this situation?"  
  
He shrugged his shoulders. "I can eat in any possible situation darlin'," he said in a tick Georgian accent, causing Monica to smile.  
  
She shook her head. "You're unbelievable John Doggett." She saw John smile in the dark, before looking around him and placing a hand on her cheek.   
  
"I'm just trying to release the tension."  
  
She returned to her previous position, her head on John's shoulder, trying to watch the movie. While munching on some popcorns John did the same, carefully listening the smallest sound. In the middle of the movie, Monica got up. John looked up at her. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I need to go to the little girls room."  
  
He got up from his seat. "I'm coming with you." They left in silence and while walking down the stairs, John felt his legs becoming wobbly and shaky. He dismissed it on nervousness and accompanied Monica to the bathroom, stopping outside. "I'll wait here for ya."  
  
She turned to him, before walking inside. "Thank you."  
  
John was leaning against the wall waiting for Monica, his vision becoming blurry and his head started to hurt real badly. Suddenly his legs couldn't hold him up anymore and if someone hadn't caught him, he would have fallen to the floor in a heap. He held Skinner's voice yelling something and felt something hard and cold against his temple. Although he was becoming weaker by the minute he knew what was happening: Somehow Dan had managed to get inside and he was holding John against him as a human shield.   
  
He thought he heard Skinner yell. "You have nowhere to go Dan Winslow; you've got to let him go."  
  
Dan's lips curled into an evil smile. "Tell me another one." He pressed the gun harder against John's temple, pulling the almost unconscious agent backwards. John was slipping in and out of consciousness, barely registering what was going on. His breathing became shallow and his pulse was speeding up.   
  
And then everything happened in a blurry. Monica came out of the bathroom, scaring the hell out of Dan. He fired at her and Brad jumped in front of her to save her the bullet. His body slumped to the floor and Monica pulled her gun out, aiming it at Dan. "Let go of him," she yelled, her voice loud and angry. "Let him go you sick son of a bitch or I'll shoot you myself."  
  
He shook his head confidently. "You seem to forget lover boy her." His voice was icy and calm. "If you don't back away now, I'll have to shoot him too."  
  
Monica put her hand up and tried to reason him. "Okay, okay, you've got our attention. I'll put my gun away, but don't do anything stupid." Monica heard a voice in her earpiece.   
  
"Agent Reyes put your gun down and try to talk to him. He might listen to you. If Agent Doggett manages to move and inch or two, AD Skinner has a good aim at him."   
  
Monica did as she was told and as calmly as possible she put the gun on the floor, holding her good hand in the air. "Let's talk Dan."  
  
He shook his head. "I have nothing to say to you."   
  
"You won't get out alive," she tried to reason him, but he kept shaking his head stubbornly. Monica saw John's eyes open again, giving her a reassuring smile. Monica approached Dan cautiously and when he kept her gaze on her Monica's eyes travelled to John's, a sign that it was the moment to act. John put his elbow in Dan's stomach as hard as he could. Dan was surprised, having thought that John was still unconscious. Before he had the chance to react, Monica heard a shot and Dan slumped to the floor, pulling John along with him. She rushed to them and kicked Dan's gun to a safe distance. John was lying on the floor, clutching his stomach in pain. "It hurts..." She barely recognized his voice, it sounded shaky and very weak.  
  
"Take it easy, paramedics are on the way."  
  
"My head.... hurts... throwing up," he started mumbling before slipping into unconsciousness.   
  
Monica pulled his head in her lap, tenderly caressing his hair. "Hang in there..." Tears were starting to roll off her cheeks and she looked up when she heard Skinner's compassionate voice.   
  
"The ambulance is here," he softly said, standing behind her in a protective manner. "He'll be fine."  
  
She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I hope you're right Sir. God knows I hope you're right," she moaned, tears starting to fall even harder. When the paramedics arrived near John, Skinner had to pull her away from him. They looked at her.  
  
"Has he said anything to you?" one of them asked.  
  
Monica nodded. "Headache, he clutched his stomach and he felt like throwing up."  
  
Both paramedics looked at each other. "We have to get him out of here as fast as we can."  
  
Monica's eye turned wide in shock. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Probably poisoning." They put John on a stretcher and rolled him away in a hurry.   
  
Monica turned to Skinner her face white. "Oh my God, the popcorn." She paused and whispered. "We shouldn't have done this."   
  
He put his hand on her arm. "It was our only chance to catch him." He squeezed her arm. "John will be fine. He's strong and he will fight this."  
  
Monica nodded her head, watching at the other stretcher passing by. She walked over to Brad, who was now covered in blood. "Monica," he softly whispered. "I love you." Monica was fighting back tears and watched as they rolled away Brad. She looked Skinner and he touched her arm.   
  
"Are you okay?" he worriedly asked.   
  
She shook her head. "I-" she whispered, suddenly falling to the floor. Skinner knelt down next to her and her pulse was racing.  
  
"We need a paramedic," he yelled, trying to calm Monica down. Her skin felt cold, white and clammy. She was shaking from the cold. Skinner looked up when another paramedic came running in. "She's going into shock."  
  
The paramedic kneeled down next to Monica and helped her sitting up, putting a blanket over her shoulders. "We need a stretcher in here!" he yelled and not a minute later they came in with one and gently laid Monica down, putting a thermal blanket over her. Skinner watched as they rolled her away to a waiting ambulance and drove her off in a hurry.  
  
GEORGE WASHINGTON HOSPITAL, TWO HOURS LATER  
  
Monica awoke in a white blinding light, looking at her surroundings. Next to her bed she saw Scully sitting in a chair. "Hey, how are you feeling?" she worriedly asked.  
  
"I feel fine," Monica said with a dry throat. "But I'm thirsty."  
  
Scully got up, took a glass of water and held it to Monica lips, letting her take a few sips. "Take it easy Monica. I'll give you more in a minute."  
  
Monica looked up at Scully, wearing her heart on her sleeve. "How's John?"  
  
Scully smiled, reassuring Monica before even answering. "He'll be fine. The popcorn was spiked but they managed to empty his stomach just in time. If he had thrown up, he would have been in a much worse condition."  
  
Monica sat up in her bed, only to be held back by Scully's hand on her shoulder. "I want to see him."  
  
Scully shook her. "They won't let you out of bed. Besides, John won't know if you're there or not. He's sleeping it off and he'll be weak for a couple of days. You'll probably get released in the morning, but John will have to stay here a little longer."  
  
"I need a favour." Scully nodded her head. "I want you to go in John's room and take the keys to his house."  
  
"Um, I don't be to be curious or something, but can I ask why?"  
  
A big smile appeared around Monica's lips. "Because Amigo is just a little pup and he needs someone to take care of him."  
  
Scully smiled. "So you settled for a dog then?"  
  
"Actually John did." She frowned at Scully. "I should warn you that he's trouble."  
  
"That's okay. If I can handle Mulder, I certainly can handle a little pup." She gave Monica's hand a squeeze. "I'll pick him up on my way home."  
  
"Thank you Dana." Suddenly Monica's face turned serious again. "Have you got any news on Brad?"  
  
Scully looked at her sympathetically. "Yes, but I'm afraid it's not good news."  
  
Monica swallowed hard. "Oh my God, is he..."  
  
Scully shook her head and frowned. "No, but he might as well be. They managed to remove the bullet that had gotten through his vest, but he has lost a lot of blood. He slipped into a coma during surgery and the doctors say he'll probably never regain consciousness."  
  
Monica's face turned white and her voice became a whisper. "He's a plant because of me."  
  
"You can't say that," Scully replied, looking at Monica. "He wanted to save you."  
  
"He shouldn't have given his life for me."  
  
"Listen to me." Scully paused to look at Monica. "It's not your fault. It was his choice to jump in front of you."  
  
Monica groaned. "He did it because he loves me."  
  
Scully nodded her head. "He did and you can't blame yourself for that."  
  
A lonely tear made its way down Monica's cheek and she looked back at Scully. "Can't you talk them into letting me see John?"  
  
Scully smiled warmly at her friend and moved to the door. "I'll see what I can arrange. Try to rest in the meantime."  
  
Monica nodded and let her eyes slip shut. She awoke a few hours later to the steady beeping of a heartbeat and opened her eyes. She turned her head towards the sound and she saw John sleeping very peacefully. She smiled at him and locked up when she heard a soft knock on the door. Skinner came walking in, softly talking not to wake John. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm fine Sir. I'm still feeling a little dizzy and a little weak. They say I can go home tomorrow." Monica looked at her watch and then at Skinner. "You're still walking around here awfully late."  
  
Skinner nodded his head. "Yes, I came to check on AD Follmer."  
  
"How's he doing?"  
  
"Still no change. I talked to the doctor and ..." He paused to look at Monica. "He'll never get out of his coma. There's no brain activity at all."  
  
Monica winced, remembering the ordeal that happened to her not that long ago. She leaned back in her pillow, folding her hands in her lap. She looked back at him. "There something you're not telling."  
  
Skinner shook his head in agreement. "AD Follmer had a living will. He doesn't want to live like that."  
  
Monica looked at her hands neatly folded in her lap. "They're gonna pull the plug."  
  
"Not yet. They have contacted his parents in England and they're on their way over. I guess the decision is up to them, although I doubt they'll go against their son's will."  
  
"They won't. They highly respect him. It's gonna be so hard on them," she whispered, while turning her head to John. He was still peacefully sleeping, his breathing soft and even. Skinner walked over to Monica and stood in front of her, blocking her view.  
  
"He will be okay. I talked to the doctor and they gave him something to sleep. He probably won't wake up until the morning." He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Although there is something I should tell you."  
  
"What?"  
  
Skinner paused and scratched his nose. "I think you might expect a visit from Kersh."  
  
"Why's that Sir?" Monica asked confused. "Was it something we did?"  
  
"Yes and no. Somehow Kersh is aware of the fact that you and John are in more than friendly relationship."  
  
"How does he know?" Monica questioned.  
  
Skinner shook his head. "I have no idea. He was aware of what was going in this case, because I told him myself. He was sitting in the van looking out for the killer." He helplessly held his hands up. "That's all I can tell."  
  
"Was it something we said?"  
  
Skinner frowned. "I don't think so. I was listening in on you the whole time and you said nothing incriminating."  
  
Monica's eyes turned sad. "So he's going to split us up?"  
  
Skinner shook his head stubbornly. "Not if I can help it. I won't let him split the two of you up, don't worry."  
  
Monica smiled thankfully at her boss. "That's very nice of you Sir. You have been very supporting of us and I really appreciate it." She moved forwards to take a look at John. "I'm sure John appreciates it too." She looked up at him, her eyes questioning. "May I be so free to ask why you're doing all this for us?"  
  
Skinner smiled at her. "That's a long story Agent Reyes and I think you should rest." He gave her hand a squeeze and sadness washed over his face. Before Monica could ask him what was wrong, he turned around and silently left the room. Monica looked at John for a while before she felt her eyes growing heavy and she dozed off.   
  
GEORGE WASHINGTON HOSPITAL, 9.30 am  
  
Monica woke when she felt someone gently touching her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked straight into John's icy blue eyes. She smiled at him. "I don't think you should be up yet."  
  
He was sitting on the side of her bed. "I just wanted to touch you."  
  
With a little help from John, she sat up and he pulled her into a tight embrace. "I was so afraid I was gonna lose you."  
  
John grinned at her. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."  
  
She smiled back at him. "I don't want to get rid of you. I love you."  
  
His whole face lit up and he smiled. "I love you too." He placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I know I promised you a proposal you wouldn't forget, but you'll have to wait a little longer."  
  
"I can wait. And I do want to marry you. More than ever before," she said honestly.   
  
"Who said you could get out of bed," they turned their head to the voice coming from the door. Scully shook her head while looking at John. "I knew you couldn't be trusted." She paused and tried to look mad at him. "You ask a favour from me and this is how you repay me," she casually said, trying to keep the laughter out of her voice.   
  
John smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." He got up from Monica's bed and walked back to his, laying down. Scully walked over to him and put something in his hand. "Thank you."  
  
She nodded. "It was nothing." She looked at Monica who was giving them a suspicious look. "What?"  
  
Monica looked from Scully to John. "You two are up to something."  
  
They both shook their heads, Scully failing miserably to contain her laugh. "At least it has nothing to do with me."  
  
"Oh?" Monica questioned.  
  
Scully held her hands up. "I'm sure John will tell you." She looked at John and turned back to Monica. "I talked to your doctor. They want to keep you one more day, because your blood pressure is a little high. And since they'll remove your stitches tomorrow, they said it was easy to have you at hand."  
  
Monica smiled sheepishly. "Do you think you could..."  
  
"Yes, I'll take care of Amigo," Scully interrupted her. "That'll keep Mulder of my hands a day longer. He loves the dog." She gave them one last look and walked off.  
  
Both heads turned to look at the door when they heard a formal knock. Skinner walked in with a serious and worried look on his face, followed by Kersh. Kersh took a chair and sat down, looking from John to Monica. "We need to talk."  
  
"Sir?" both of them questioned at the same time.  
  
Skinner raised his eyebrows at Monica and the younger agent immediately understood. Kersh gave Monica and John a straight look, his eyes settling on John. "Someone told me there was something going on between you and Agent Doggett?"  
  
"Sir?" John questioned, surprise evident in his voice. "There's not going on between Agent Reyes and myself. We're merely colleagues and partners and yes we are friends, but that's all there's going on."  
  
"That's not was I was told," he replied stubbornly.  
  
John shook his head and leaned back in his pillows. "There's nothing going on between Agent Reyes and myself." Kersh looked from John to Monica and she shook her head in agreement.  
  
"Agent Doggett is right, Sir. There's nothing going on between us," she said, watching Skinner trying to contain a smile. "You can ask AD Skinner. He's our supervisor; he knows everything that's going on. Ask him." Monica said.  
  
Kersh turned his head to look at Skinner. "AD Skinner?"  
  
Skinner swallowed and kept a straight face. "They are right Deputy Director. If they were in a relationship I would have gotten hold of it a long time ago."  
  
Kersh nodded. "Very well." Kersh got up and looked at Skinner. "A word outside AD Skinner." Kersh asked.  
  
"In a minute Sir. I need to ask them a few details about the shooting."  
  
Kersh got up and left the room. John let out a sigh. "You're putting yourself on the line for us Sir."  
  
"I know and I hope the you are worth it." His eyes paused on Monica. "You wanted to know why." She nodded. "Well, let me explain something. Fifteen years ago I had a wonderful partner. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. We had a wonderful time together until someone couldn't keep his mouth shut and told our boss that we were in a relationship." Skinner paused and his eyes turned to John. "We were split up and she got transferred to the field office in Seattle. We promised to keep in touch, but that didn't last long." Sadness washed over Skinner's face.  
  
John smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry Sir."  
  
"I still regret it." He looked from John to Monica. "I don't want anyone to live the same thing. Nothing is worth losing the love of your life, certainly not a job." He smiled at them. "I didn't want anything like that to happen to you, but you do realise that you'll have to be very discreet."  
  
John nodded his head. "We know Sir and thank you for everything." Skinner softly closed the door behind him, John feeling a ting of sadness for his boss.  
  
Monica watched as John got out of his bed, holding something small in his hand. He sat down next to her and took her hand in his. "Monica, I love you more than anything. Will you marry me?" He held a small silver and platinum ring with a little diamond on it in front of her and wiped away the tears that were falling down her face.  
  
She let out a soft sob and smiled at him with teary eyes. "I'd love to, but on one condition." When his eyes turned wide in fear, she immediately took his hand. "Nothing like that John," she paused and looked at him. "I want us to get married on the beach where you released Luke's ashes. I want your son to be with us."  
  
John put his hand in front of eyes, trying to hide his upcoming tears from her. She pulled his hand away from his face and he allowed himself to cry. For Luke, for her and for everything that had happened the last few days. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me Mon." With that he put his lips on hers and tenderly kissed her. They both pulled away when they heard a knock on the door, revealing a highly amused Skinner.  
  
"Cut it out, will you?" He smiled warmly at them. "Kersh is gone and I managed to convince him there was nothing going on between the two of you."  
  
John shook his head. "Thank you."  
  
Skinner motioned to the door. "I just came in to tell you this. I should get going. I have an awful lot of work to do." He turned to leave when John called him back.  
  
"Sir?" Skinner turned around to look at John. John looked at Monica and she nodded, knowing what John was going to ask him. "There's something I want to ask you. And I would be honoured if you said yes." He paused and smiled. "I've asked Monica to marry me and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be my best man."  
  
Skinner beamed him a huge smile and shook his hand. "I'd love to." He turned around and was holding the door handle when John called him back.  
  
"Don't forget to wear sandals."  
  
Sometimes, things didn't turn out the way you'd like them to. And sometimes they turned out better than in your deepest fantasy. Life is a gift and you have to take it with both hands, not thinking back about the missed opportunities, but looking forward to everything you have achieved in life.  
  
THE END.  
  
Author's Note: I'm taking a little break now, but if enough of you are interested in a little sequel, let me know. I was thinking about John's romantic marriage proposal (again) and maybe the wedding. It promises to be a huge piece of fluff. If you wanna read that, send me a quick note and I'll see what I can come up with. 


End file.
